Today, while eating at a restaurant, I commented to the waiter about how large the pizza was. He then writes down his number, pats his crotch fondly, and informs me that "everything" I'm going to find at that restaurant is going to be big. He was serious. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his debit card and loudly announced in front of everyone that his pin code was the numerical equivalent of "Fart", and repeated it twice, just in case I hadn't heard. FML
Today, I ordered a large stuffed crust supreme pizza for myself. When I picked it up, I asked for extra plates and napkins so the cashier wouldn't know I don't have any friends. FML
Today, I received a food delivery. The bag was huge. I thought the restaurant had made a mistake and given me extra food. I checked the receipt; it said, “Special note: For our hungriest customer. Extra napkins!” They'd remembered me from last time I ordered a ton of food. FML
Today, while I was leaving a restaurant, the very handsome waiter, whom I had been trying to hit on all night, said to me, in front of everyone, "Why did you write your phone number on the table with hearts around it? You know I won't call you." FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. When it came time for us to leave, I saw him write something on the receipt for our waitress. I managed to get a quick look; it was his number. FML
Today, I was delivering pizzas and hit up a dude’s house who ordered two boxes of extra large. He gave me the exact change. I asked him, “What about the tip?” He paused for a minute, let out this loud rancid fart and said, “There’s your tip bub, now piss off!” and shut the door in my face. FML
Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML
Today, I took my date to a restaurant but I had no idea how picky of an eater she is. Our waiter had to practically use 3 pages in his notebook just to write down all her special requests for this single meal. By the end, I could see he really wanted to ask if she was being serious or taking the piss. FML
Today, I waited tables for the first time at my new restaurant job. I asked a group of older men what they would like. One replied, "A slice of that ass". I'm 19 and a guy. FML
Today, I wore a pair of shorts a size too big while doing laundry. When I ordered a pizza afterwards and answered the door, I realized I looked a little heavy, so I sucked in my stomach. My shorts fell to the ground in front of the delivery guy. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Mividareal 0
FML?!?! Shit, you should consider yourself lucky!
ohnoyouDINT 0
So....did you try the sausage?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (170)
SarlaccBits 0
How is this an FML? I’m gonna go with – was he cute? Tell him to deliver you another 'large pizza' tomorrow night. ;)
plexico 4
I wouldn't trust the sausage on their pizzas. And if you get a sandwich with mayo, don't eat it.
XOfiestypixie 0
Haha. Plexico's comment FTW!
Eccentricity_96 0
Well maybe she's not interested in guys,thats why she said FML...
molliross 0
well, was he cute?
letitbe56 0
Wow, that is SO gross.
Shenaniganss 0
How is this an FML? Not a FYL or YDI, you're nuts. Take it as a compliment and carry on.
letitbe56 0
How is telling her that his **** is enormous a compliment to her? Clearly all he wants is to get laid. That's not a compliment.
Shenaniganss 0
Well. Honestly, I'd never take it as a compliment. Just saying that maybe he thinks she's hot. Either way, she can just ignore it and carry on.
simcraft 0
hot isn't a compliment either
Jrbn 0
#61 is a ******* idiot
foreverboredZ 4
She could more interested in women...
iGreen_Day 0
Complain?
getfighted 0
oh baby lmao was he hot though?
getfighted 0
oh baby lmao was he hot though?
crystal122208 0
you got hit on big deal it doesn't mean your life is ******
letitbe56 0
Yeah, but the guy went out of his way to make getting hit on as unpleasant an experience for her as possible. The FML is that the guy was being vulgar, not that he hit on her.