Today, while eating at a restaurant, I commented to the waiter about how large the pizza was. He then writes down his number, pats his crotch fondly, and informs me that "everything" I'm going to find at that restaurant is going to be big. He was serious. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his debit card and loudly announced in front of everyone that his pin code was the numerical equivalent of "Fart", and repeated it twice, just in case I hadn't heard. FML
Today, I ordered a large stuffed crust supreme pizza for myself. When I picked it up, I asked for extra plates and napkins so the cashier wouldn't know I don't have any friends. FML
Today, I received a food delivery. The bag was huge. I thought the restaurant had made a mistake and given me extra food. I checked the receipt; it said, “Special note: For our hungriest customer. Extra napkins!” They'd remembered me from last time I ordered a ton of food. FML
Today, while I was leaving a restaurant, the very handsome waiter, whom I had been trying to hit on all night, said to me, in front of everyone, "Why did you write your phone number on the table with hearts around it? You know I won't call you." FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. When it came time for us to leave, I saw him write something on the receipt for our waitress. I managed to get a quick look; it was his number. FML
Today, I was delivering pizzas and hit up a dude’s house who ordered two boxes of extra large. He gave me the exact change. I asked him, “What about the tip?” He paused for a minute, let out this loud rancid fart and said, “There’s your tip bub, now piss off!” and shut the door in my face. FML
Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML
Today, I took my date to a restaurant but I had no idea how picky of an eater she is. Our waiter had to practically use 3 pages in his notebook just to write down all her special requests for this single meal. By the end, I could see he really wanted to ask if she was being serious or taking the piss. FML
Today, I waited tables for the first time at my new restaurant job. I asked a group of older men what they would like. One replied, "A slice of that ass". I'm 19 and a guy. FML
Today, I wore a pair of shorts a size too big while doing laundry. When I ordered a pizza afterwards and answered the door, I realized I looked a little heavy, so I sucked in my stomach. My shorts fell to the ground in front of the delivery guy. FML
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Top comments
Mividareal 0
FML?!?! Shit, you should consider yourself lucky!
ohnoyouDINT 0
So....did you try the sausage?
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Comments (170)
DameGreyWulf 1
I love that he patted his crotch "fondly"
kat0ria 0
What restaurant? I love pizza! :D
Ub3r_Crippl3 0
Not really an FML, but that guy is serious win.
x_Leopard_x 1
Lol! Was he cute? ;]
galad2003 0
If you didn't complain a get a free pizza out of this than YDI
widad_xoxo 0
FYL but did you call him? lol just kidding.
bball55 0
u suck at FML u know what would be an FML? if i had to read another FML posted by u Today, i read the shittiest FML ever. FML
were_giraffe 2
52: Stop whining.
rocketdog 0
Creeper. Report him.
Junkson 0
Wow WTF is everyone saying nom nom nom for? Is nom nom nom like the new "lol" or "lmao"
dramakat11 0
IDK why everyone is saying nom nom nom but I've seen it on lolcats--funny pics of cats with misspelled captions. They're pretty cute and funny.
bball55 0
thats the eating action put into words
Fail_Pig 0
YDI for posting an FML on http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/4332436 Honestly, anyone who postes on http://www.fmylife.com/miscellaneous/4332436 deserves to die.