Today, while eating at a restaurant, I commented to the waiter about how large the pizza was. He then writes down his number, pats his crotch fondly, and informs me that "everything" I'm going to find at that restaurant is going to be big. He was serious. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his debit card and loudly announced in front of everyone that his pin code was the numerical equivalent of "Fart", and repeated it twice, just in case I hadn't heard. FML
Today, I ordered a large stuffed crust supreme pizza for myself. When I picked it up, I asked for extra plates and napkins so the cashier wouldn't know I don't have any friends. FML
Today, I received a food delivery. The bag was huge. I thought the restaurant had made a mistake and given me extra food. I checked the receipt; it said, “Special note: For our hungriest customer. Extra napkins!” They'd remembered me from last time I ordered a ton of food. FML
Today, while I was leaving a restaurant, the very handsome waiter, whom I had been trying to hit on all night, said to me, in front of everyone, "Why did you write your phone number on the table with hearts around it? You know I won't call you." FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. When it came time for us to leave, I saw him write something on the receipt for our waitress. I managed to get a quick look; it was his number. FML
Today, I was delivering pizzas and hit up a dude’s house who ordered two boxes of extra large. He gave me the exact change. I asked him, “What about the tip?” He paused for a minute, let out this loud rancid fart and said, “There’s your tip bub, now piss off!” and shut the door in my face. FML
Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML
Today, I took my date to a restaurant but I had no idea how picky of an eater she is. Our waiter had to practically use 3 pages in his notebook just to write down all her special requests for this single meal. By the end, I could see he really wanted to ask if she was being serious or taking the piss. FML
Today, I waited tables for the first time at my new restaurant job. I asked a group of older men what they would like. One replied, "A slice of that ass". I'm 19 and a guy. FML
Today, I wore a pair of shorts a size too big while doing laundry. When I ordered a pizza afterwards and answered the door, I realized I looked a little heavy, so I sucked in my stomach. My shorts fell to the ground in front of the delivery guy. FML
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Top comments
Mividareal 0
FML?!?! Shit, you should consider yourself lucky!
ohnoyouDINT 0
So....did you try the sausage?
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Comments (170)
kristidgranger 3
Look at it as a compliment. At least he thought you were cute.
aback 5
That might have been his first and last day working there.
kissmyAzz 0
If the guy was hott....LYL....if hes not....smile and move on politely...you don't want an extra something something in your food...!
bloodfalcon22 0
You posted this on the wrong website. This is FMyLife NOT MyLifeIsG.
Xdanicat 0
LOL, you're awesome #11!
TheOtherNewest1 6
Was the man in question perhaps played by Robert Maschio? (AKA Scrubs' "The Todd")
iFruit 0
I would have pointed to his head and said "Except your brain!"
Agrajagged 3
Just like in the porns!
Shyman4ever 0
I laugh more at the comments then the fml. Btw OP, that proves that you are attractive, go to his place and get ****** by him hard in the ass and video tape it and send it to me.
MoonlitTearofJoy 0
Yes, for those of you saying it was a compliment: Of course it was =D if you're a *****.