Today, I waited tables for the first time at my new restaurant job. I asked a group of older men what they would like. One replied, "A slice of that ass". I'm 19 and a guy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went into a restaurant and sat at a bar near three guys who appeared to be 19 or 20. They did not acknowledge me. 15 minutes later, my burger arrived. They all ran over to ask me about it. I haven't been hit on in months. My cheeseburger is more attractive to men than I am. FML
Today, I started my new job at a restaurant I really like. As I waited on my first customer, I suggested that he try the apple pie, because it's my favourite. He looked up at me and said, "Yeah? Figures! Lay off 'em, porky!" FML
Today, I submitted my application to a restaurant as a server. The manager, who is more than 30 years older than me, said he'd be calling me. He later texted me asking for a date instead of giving me a job. FML
Today, while waiting on a customer at a restaurant, I accidentally asked a midget if she'd like a children's menu. FML
Today, I went to a restaurant with some friends. I noticed a very cute waitress about my age, so I walked over to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. The extremely fit, attractive waiter standing next to her immediately turned, held out his hand and goes, "Yeah. Meet me." FML
Today, at work, I put on a smile and went to take an elderly gentleman's order. He looked at me, asked if I'd stick a finger in his sweet tea to make it sweeter, then complained that it was a shame I wasn't "on the menu". FML
Today, I had dinner at a local fast-food joint. There's an employee there that I usually talk to and flirt with, so I thought maybe it was time to ask for her number. After a small conversation and almost getting to the point, she told me, "I'm 17." I'm 23. FML
Today, at the restaurant where I work, I served a table of 4 middle-age women. Before greeting the table, I was deciding between saying "Can I get you anything to drink?" and "Can I start you off with something?" My actual greeting? "Can I get you ladies off?" FML
Today, I went out to dinner with my family. I was given a kids menu when the hostess sat us down. I'm 24. FML
Today, at my job as a cocktail server in a bar, a group of good looking ladies sat in my section. As I was finishing up with the table next to them I overheard one of them saying, "I hope we don't get that guy, I want a sexy waiter tonight." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
TheCookieComet 23
I guess you got buns hun.
cutycat136 28
Should have just brushed it off and said sorry sir, I believe you may be in the wrong place for that dish. Try ordering something on the menu please
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (139)
RickySleeves 20
Hey, at least you have a nice ass
TheCookieComet 23
I guess you got buns hun.
IndicaPaincakes 28
Hot buns!
angiemarie96 25
Hot cross buns maybe
milehigh52 22
That must mean my anaconda wants some.
igg125 30
Should have farted on him
praesidiem 16
I don't know why this is getting down voted. I've farted on all the girls that flirt with me, and none of them have bothered again!
birdyyy 17
It should have been hard to gather all that farts
jaredofmo 22
Considering some of the stuff I've seen online, that might actually be counter-productive.
Jared900DUmpling 30
I'm pretty sure it got downvoted because you can't fart on your clients at work
smokecloud_ 37
Yes you can. We call it crop dusting. :3
SlimDanny 15
As brilliant as this is, I feel it could hurt OP's chances at a good tip.
MisterEx 28
Yet, we can't say that OP wasn't offered the tip. If you know what I mean "creepy stare and smile"
cutycat136 28
Should have just brushed it off and said sorry sir, I believe you may be in the wrong place for that dish. Try ordering something on the menu please
RedPillSucks 33
oooooohhhhhhh...... smooth. Ima write that one down.
psychopolarbear 28
Or tell the old man that those buns are worth more than he can afford.
MrConcise 35
And if he can afford them, he's probably a millionaire, meaning sacrifices must be made for OP to begin Operation: Gold Digger.
yukinoryu 6
No no. OP should have replied: Do you talk to your mom that way when requesting food during meals? "pass your ass, please" Can you imagine the spanking that would ensue...
TheBelt 19
They wanted a piece of that cake
TisAPenguin 16
If OP was a female, everyone would be screaming harassment. But no, he's a guy so he should just "brush it off."
Ethan_Anonymous 28
At least you have an ass
mmmxr 11
Doesn't everyone?
Ang3lofd3ath167 18
Not that one fish in spongebob.. He lost his ass a while ago
TheOneShogun1996 6
Now that poor soul is stuck with the Iron Butt
angelofsaturn 23
Not Hank Hill. He had to wear a gluteal support device when he was lawnmower racing.
angelitared 27
Customers always right!
giantsfan2010 23
No trust me, they're not.
ItsDutch 16
except for when they're wrong.
ApollosMyth 22
Which is a lot.
sdroze1389 31
I think it was from the movie waiting "the customer is always an asshole"
vikky538 29
I thought you were a girl until i read the last word of FML
Alex330 4
Looks like somebody missed the joke
CaptainRR 20
At least it was a compliment. Hey, customer is always right ;)
Lazet 8
You could take it as a compliment, I guess. Good luck with your new job though!
ashmix123 15
well now you know what some girls go through
booze_n_bitches 37
Totally agree! So many jobs have this kind of behaviour going on... Pervy patients in hospitals, drunk people in bars, people hitting on retail staff for a discount. It's everywhere!