Today, while driving my grandma home from a family dinner, I had to pull into a gas station, because my tank was almost empty. She became convinced that someone would kidnap her while I went to pay, and eventually threatened to blow us up by tossing her lighter at the gas pumps. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while waiting for my grandmother at the train station, a girl walked out and climbed into my car. When I cleared my throat to tell her of her mistake, she screamed and ran out as if I was a criminal trying to abduct her. FML
Today, I was with my grandma in my new car. She suddenly says, "I've got to pee bad." Without giving me enough time to find a gas station, she blurts out, "Never mind, I just did." FML
Today, I had to drive down to my parents' house. On they way down, I needed to fill up on gas but unfortunately I'd forgotten my wallet at home with all of my cash and credit cards. I then had to call triple A and explain to them in all seriousness how I ran out of gas at the gas station. FML
Today, I was at the gas station with my grandma. After I slid her card and began to pump, I convinced her that it was a lot easier and more convenient to pay at the pump with your credit card instead of paying inside. She yelled as I realized I went $20 over what she had to spend. FML
Today, when paying for gas, I realized I'd forgotten my wallet back home. After a moment of panic, I managed to remember my card number. I paid, blowing the cute cashier's mind, and drove away, before my car started sputtering and slowed to a crawl. I'd used the wrong fuel. FML
Today, I was driving to a gas station because I'd noticed I was almost on empty. Literally a block away from the gas station, my car broke down in the middle of an intersection, and I had to push my car to the side of the road, only to be questioned by police for "suspicious behavior." FML
Today, I was sitting at home when I remembered that I desperately needed gas for my car. On my way there, I prayed that my car would make it the whole way, and was thankful when I pulled up to the pump, because I knew my car wouldn't go any further. Then I realized I left my wallet at my house. FML
Today, I went to drive my mom's car for a change. It wouldn't start, so I open the hood. Someone had stolen the battery. I go to start my own car so I can drive to the police station to report the theft, and discover someone siphoned off my gas. FML
Today, I was at my grandfather's house and my car was low on gas. He said I could put some of his gas in my car. He accidentally gave me the wrong tank to pump it out of, and I put fuel in my car that he uses for his small plane. It never ran better until the engine exploded. FML
Today, I stopped at the gas station to fill up my tank and get some snacks. I paid the cashier, then got back into my car, totally forgetting to pump the $50 worth of fuel I'd just prepaid for. Too bad I didn't realize until my car came to a sputtering stop about a mile down the road. FML
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Top comments
Crazafon 19
Its time to put Grandma in a home...
dectivebobby 6
Hi I'm Grandma and this is Jackass
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Comments (70)
theycallmekitty 13
You should have just brought her in to pay with you. That is if she was able.
cjlikeschairs 5
Damn old people.
PenguinBitch 44
14- Where is your shower head? Or the light reflecting from the mirror? First mirror pic I've seen lately without any of those characteristics. You're rare son.
MrSarcasmic 10
R.E.D. retired and extremely dangerous: grandma is here to blow you away.
delaneyluke 5
Holy psycho gran Batman
kevinhenning 4
It's never to late for a retirement home
hipsterhunter 9
Unless you're dead. Then it's too late.
HortonThelephant 15
In Soviet Russia, grandma troll you!! No, wait a sec. That seems yo be just about everywhere these days..
perdix 31
#19, no. There may come a day where that one perfect story sets up a Soviet Russia joke that is actually funny. Today is not that day.
183933 6
Let me see if I can understand grandmas logic. She's afraid someone will kidnap (and I'm guessing kill) her, so to prevent that from happening grandmas alternative is to blow herself up! Nope, I can't say that I understand her logic in this one.
Wizzlbang 10
aren't you the analytical one.
Kozmotis 8
Gotta do what you gotta do.
Kozmotis 8
"Grandma, eat a Snickers." "Why" "Because you turn into a psychopath when you're hungry."
perdix 31
Tell her that is physically impossible and then run like hell. (It's actually physically unlikely, but Granny's charred carcass will never be able to tell anyone how you misled her, heh-heh-heh.)
Joshwarrior 39
if it was her car yes, if mine no. i would rather wait her out then lose my g35, and hey maybe psycho grandma will leave you something in her will.