Today, I went to visit my grandmother. My grandfather recently died, so I had gotten her a cat for comfort. Turns out in her sadness, she had forgotten about the cat. I found its remains being eaten by ants and birds. FML

Today, my grandma's chihuahua was run over while I was taking her for a walk. She later whispered to me, "It should have been you." FML

Today, while visiting my grandparents, I was afraid that one of their many cats would pee on me. I was peed on all right, by my grandma. FML

Get ready to ruuuuumble!

Today, I walked in on my grandmother's cats fighting, and my brothers gambling on it. FML

As a treat

Today, I stepped in a turd. Not a dog turd, my grandmother's turd. FML

It was bound to happen

Today, and for the past week, my grandma has been talking about her oldest cat not living much longer. This morning, my mom called, and I could instantly tell by the inflection of her voice what had happened. I immediately, correctly, assumed that he had died… and then I got yelled at for being "pessimistic." FML

Preservation

Today, we were cleaning out my grandma’s freezer and found a perfectly preserved dead weasel, which she had put in there for some reason after the cat had killed it. My mom’s cat from when she was a child, that is. My mom is 64 now. FML

Today, when I was at my girlfriend's house, I farted and blamed it on the cat. I forgot the cat died 2 weeks ago. FML

Today, my mother talked shit about me to the cat while I was in the room. FML

Today, I visited my grandparents' house. While getting a drink from the fridge, I noticed the Christmas card my family sent them had my face scratched out. When I confronted them about it, they said it was the cat. They don't have a cat. FML