Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses were at my door. Normally I don't give them the time of day, but I was so lonely for company, I let them in. FML
Today, a Jehovah's Witness followed me around, talking about Jesus. My dad's a pastor. I hear this stuff all day, every day. FML
Today, my wife let two Jehovah's Witnesses in for a chat, then deliberately went to a neighbour's for "Two minutes," and left me with them for half-an-hour, with them refusing to take my hints to leave. In the end, I told them to fuck off, just as the wife arrived home, and she got mad at me for being rude. FML
Today, my spiritual faith is put to the test. Divine intervention? Spiritual challenge? No. I somehow got in the middle of a violent argument between two colleagues, who both think I'm on the opposing side. One claims she knows witchcraft, the other claims to have "unseen friends" who owe him big. FML
Today, I finally mustered up the courage to tell my overly-religious parents that I'm an agnostic. They asked me why. As soon as I gave my reasons, my mom called me a "bigot" and hurled a bible at me, and it nailed me in the crotch. She then said, "That's what you get, non-believer." FML
Today, I answered the door to two Mormon girls from America. I live in the UK and am not religious at all, but I was too polite to slam the door and ended up letting them in. An hour later, a copy of 'The Book of Mormon' and 'My Pathway to Baptism' and I think I'm now a Mormon. FML
Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML
Today, my daughter was complaining about having no friends. My son told her it’s her own fault for attending church 3 times a week and trying to convert everyone at school like a Jehovah's witness who you can’t shut the door on. He’s 100% right but now she won’t stop crying. FML
Today, my parents were watching videos of police officers dealing with stubborn suspects. I overheard my mom saying, "It's like a Christian trying to argue with an atheist about God" and my dad agreed. Good to know that they're still as intolerant as ever, and it will never be safe for me to come out as an atheist. FML
Today, I was walking down the street, wearing nothing offensive, minding my own business, when a car drove past and threw something that hit me really hard in the back of my head. It was a Bible. FML
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Top comments
saIty 17
Next time open the door completely naked holding a pickle in your hand in one hand, while combing your pubes with the other. They'll never bother you again.
renaee 13
Feisty. I like it.
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Comments (67)
renaee 13
Feisty. I like it.
annasworld 3
wow isn't violence against their religion?
chiddy_bang71 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Fun fact that no one cares about: last night I planked on a jehovas witness sign. Ok, now feel free to thumb me down for lack of interesting comment and being a stupid planking teenager.
ripgeorgecarl1n 7
Haha. If they come to your door they have to expect to hear your opinion. It can't just be about their beliefs.
WIZchild 0
You have the right to bear arms..theyr on ur property..do u have a better solution?
dzhonatan 14
I like birthdays and holidays too much to be a JW
isallwaysme 27
and parties.
ColonelCusswords 24
thats definatly something a jehovahs witness would never do
angrydinosaur 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That was an awesome comeback.
JoHan55_fml 7
agreed, I'm going to use that next time xD
kiaralove53 0
Yeah, those guys will come back with knives.
WCARlover 35
I can't believe they threw that at you! Definitely not showing Gods love that way
bengermin 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Don't expect people to not react to you being an ass. Ydi.
ragnorac 4
So speaking the truth, makes you an ass?
hott15 0
How was OP being an ass. They knocked in HIS door. He can say whatever he wants.
kiaralove53 0
Why did you open the door for them?
alphatoomega 21
He didn't know they were JWs before opening the door?
skilova4lifezzz 19
#4 because he had such an awesome comeback?
Indiecisiv 12
He said they rang the bell 10 times
ImmaB3AST 7
I ****** hate Jehovah Witnesses. All there talk about the "new system" and the 40,000 goats or sheep or some animal that goes "ba". They need to stop knocking on peoples doors and go back to sippin on their Kool-Aid (no that's not because most are black).
AvengedSevenfold_fml_fml 12
What the ****, most are black? What the hell are you talking about. They have people of all races. Do you even know who you're talking about? O_o
ImmaB3AST 7
Most are black. And yeah I do. My dads side of the family is Jehovahs Witness. I just thought people would refer the Kool-Aid to them being black, and not that they drink juice or something for there religion.
saIty 17
Next time open the door completely naked holding a pickle in your hand in one hand, while combing your pubes with the other. They'll never bother you again.
WeahNicole 0
Best advice ever.
brt3420 13
Pull a mcgrubber, get a piece of celery and stick it I'm your ass crack and open the door naked they won't come back.
horneyhic 15
Or a robe and a cross a throw water at them yelling "I command u to leave Satan"
TheRealBruce 12
That's how I always open doors.
kittyiscoolyo 2
i highly doubt they hit you with the Watchtower. they're really nice people.
garfield224 0
I'm an athiest my self but, they had you outnumbered. Not the best idea
wondermoose 28
I agree, I'm an atheist and my room mate is a Jehovah witness...
bryce0110 23
I'm Christian and Jehovah's Witnesses are annoying
Anducar 10
OP, I love you for that =D
ThreeSheetsGone 12
OP-1 Jehovah's Witnesses-0 I'll have to remember that one.