Today, my wife let two Jehovah's Witnesses in for a chat, then deliberately went to a neighbour's for "Two minutes," and left me with them for half-an-hour, with them refusing to take my hints to leave. In the end, I told them to fuck off, just as the wife arrived home, and she got mad at me for being rude. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the Jehovah's Witnesses were at my door. Normally I don't give them the time of day, but I was so lonely for company, I let them in. FML
Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML
Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML
Today, my wife screamed, cried, called me lazy and a bad parent, and threatened to leave and take our four kids. All I did was ask for an hour to myself every day for some private time. FML
Today, my husband invited 20 of his friends over, no discussion, just 20 strangers in my house. I got mad and went upstairs to our bedroom, which has an en suite shower. I got naked, and yet another dude came out of our en suite and walked right past my bare ass while I screamed. FML
Today, I decided to sit on the back porch for a while to enjoy the nice weather and relax. Unfortunately, one of my neighbors was outside too, having a very loud argument with his wife for about 45 minutes. FML
Today, I sat my husband down for a talk for him to stop going to his female coworker’s house until 1-2am. He insists they’re doing work projects. He became so offended that I thought otherwise that he thrashed the entire living room, stomped out of the house, and slammed the door, completely dislodging it. FML
Today, I ignored my wife's phone calls at work, since all she ever wants to do is complain or talk about chores and projects. An hour later, security called my desk. She'd shown up at work to bitch me out for ignoring her. Now I'm the laughing stock of my workplace. FML
Today, I needed emergency work on my house, so I’ve been taking wine, beer, and chocolates to my neighbours as an apology for the noise and dust. Later, one of the husbands came round and punched me for showing him up, because he hasn’t given his wife chocolates in years, so she’s mad at him and he blames me. FML
Today, and since we moved on base, my neighbor’s wife has tried to have an affair with me. I got tired of it and told him. He blew smoke. I found out she’s in a cheating wife’s club, who all defend each other. She proclaimed to all our neighbors that I’m a predator and I'd attacked her. They believe her instead of my wife, who saw everything. FML
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Top comments
mackdeezy 22
Honestly, that was pretty low of her. I'm trying hard not to be negative here, but if I didnt know any better, I'd say she planned this, and went off to go commit adultery. Being on this site has taught me that sometimes, life takes a wrong turn.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Tell her to **** off, as well. And I wouldn't be surprised if "mackdeezy" was right.
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Comments (9)
mackdeezy 22
Honestly, that was pretty low of her. I'm trying hard not to be negative here, but if I didnt know any better, I'd say she planned this, and went off to go commit adultery. Being on this site has taught me that sometimes, life takes a wrong turn.
MidnaLink 35
I’d probably not even have bothered hinting.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Tell her to **** off, as well. And I wouldn't be surprised if "mackdeezy" was right.
RichardPencil 32
Why did you have to tell them to **** off? “I’m not interested. Would you please leave?” would suffice.
Charlie Given 28
I don't know if you have ever dealt with the Jehovah's witnesses but ya pretty much have to throw them out they ignore hints , but the easiest way to get rid of them is to scare them off
RichardPencil 32
I have. I’ve engaged them when I have time and want to have fun, but I’ve successfully warded them off with firm, but polite resolve when I’m not in the mood.
Charlie Given 28
Ya they suck 😒 year's ago they wouldn't stop harassing me even after I told them please not to come around and told them off finally it took me answering the door with a ketchup covered knife that looked like blood and asked if they wanted to join in my goat sacrifice they never bothered me again 🤣🤣😂
Henry8cooper 15
let me guess....in your relationship.... your wife is the brighter one?
mas12806 24
You could’ve told them to leave, instead of giving a half hour worth of hints
JasonThorn 23
"When you invite people you like and leave me with them, I am not responsible for what happens next."
LostSoul 20
My uncle was a jehovah's witness minister. With that said, last time the mormons were here we told them our lord Satan would not approve of us talking to them. They have never been back. No religious group comes near my house.