Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put a "small amount" of hot-sauce in our lubricant without telling me. He thought 1,000,000 Scoville units would make me cum. The only one who came was the paramedic. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML
Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML
Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML
Today, my wife got me back for hiding a realistic tarantula replica in her underwear drawer. She ground up hot peppers and horseradish and shoved it in my mouth while I slept. I woke up screaming in pain and went to the hospital before she confessed. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML
Today, my prank-loving girlfriend pushed hot sauce up my penis hole with her tongue by pretending she was going to give me oral sex. It’s been an hour of burning, it’s worse when I pee, and I think I may need a hospital. FML
Today, to spice things up a bit, my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner, so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. Five seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML
Today, since my husband has been volunteering to do more of the cooking, I was happy and relieved to have help, until every meal he made had an ungodly amount of spices in it. I overheard him on the phone, saying he’s been purposely making my food inedibly hot so that I’ll eat less and lose weight. FML
Today, while I was asleep, my girlfriend squirted a tiny amount of “mild” hot sauce up my pee hole. In an area that sensitive there's no such thing as fucking mild. I’ve had two days off work already because it stings, and I cry every time I have to pee. FML
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Top comments
riley873 21
Give that fool ass a habanero handjob. To say 'thank you'.
RichardPencil 32
You ****** the paramedic?!?! That’s some swift and savage revenge!
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Comments (41)
campdude90 15
Change his powder to menthol and make sure he puts it on his balls. Guys almost always dribble and or sweat so while it won’t be as painful as bengay, it’ll get the point across. I wonder how to code this... husband is a moron?
WeirdUS 30
Smear ICY HOT in his boxers especially in the crotch area. I'm sure he'll get the message pretty quick.
EmDizzle2007 28
that kinda stupid don't just show up outta the blue. he's shown you he's capable of such idiocy. oh... and for people plotting revenge on the guy, it was THEIR lube... he got burned too.
thatslifeiguess7 16
Get plain yogurt asap and put it down there, good luck with the divorce
Thundernutz 15
Talk about Fire Crotch or Burning bush lol