Today, my prank-loving girlfriend pushed hot sauce up my penis hole with her tongue by pretending she was going to give me oral sex. It’s been an hour of burning, it’s worse when I pee, and I think I may need a hospital. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while I was asleep, my girlfriend squirted a tiny amount of “mild” hot sauce up my pee hole. In an area that sensitive there's no such thing as fucking mild. I’ve had two days off work already because it stings, and I cry every time I have to pee. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, my wife got me back for hiding a realistic tarantula replica in her underwear drawer. She ground up hot peppers and horseradish and shoved it in my mouth while I slept. I woke up screaming in pain and went to the hospital before she confessed. FML
Today, I may be permanently blind in one eye after my girlfriend squirted me with sauce during a playful food fight. She basically used the first bottle she could grab without looking, the extra spicy sauce I make myself that requires gloves, goggles and nose plugs while cooking. FML
Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put a "small amount" of hot-sauce in our lubricant without telling me. He thought 1,000,000 Scoville units would make me cum. The only one who came was the paramedic. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. Five seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML
Today, my boyfriend put chili powder on our loo roll as a "harmless" prank. He forgot women use loo roll to wipe the sensitive parts of their bodies. I have itchy weeping sores inside my vagina and am considering sticking an ice cube up there to stop the burning. FML
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML
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Top comments
mike3775 39
I would break up with her, go to the hospital, present her the bill, when she refuses to,pay, sue her in court.
Anderling 33
It’s only a prank if everyone can laugh about it afterwards. Damned if I know what this is
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Comments (13)
Anderling 33
It’s only a prank if everyone can laugh about it afterwards. Damned if I know what this is
Battousai124 9
Hmmmmm... Hhhhmmmmmm... Ass... Assault?!!!!!!!!!
stickyface 17
Turnabout is fair play, OP. That's all I'm saying.
wiccaantje 21
Warning for the people who think about doing this type of prank. The skin of the ****** is different then that of the penis and peppers can cause actual burn wounds, like chemical type burn wounds on a ******. Your upper skin basically works like a barrier from it's burn, the penis has such skin, and a ****** doesn't have that. It's not the same burn as eating it.
rudico67 8
Did you not read the FML? It went into the hole. I don't think the skin of that part is made for this.
Thaylok 17
The urethra is NOT the epidermis as you are describing. Here the sauce was forced inside the body where there is no such epidermal protection.
stickyface 17
Did you not read the original, where a chemical was forced into a man's urethra causing agonizing pain? My snarky reply wasn't serious at any rate, but your sexist one apparently was. Neither behavior is okay!
sirrubberduckie 37
The inside of the male eurethra has skin that protects it from chemical burns? Really?
mcsmee 8
The "penis hole" doesn't have that tougher skin that you refer to. If you re-read the original post, you'll see that she forced the hot sauce through the "penis hole" and into the urethra.
dreams2383 20
except she got it in the urethra so he is in the same pain she would be in. the was screwed up what she did and he should break up with her.
mike3775 39
I would break up with her, go to the hospital, present her the bill, when she refuses to,pay, sue her in court.
Chazzster 32
Think carefully, do you want to break up with her. If she does harmful things like this often, it’s a no brainer - you drop her immediately. If this is not the norm for her, then I’d give her another chance if she is genuinely sorry she did this… While it’s tempting to return the “favor” to her (hot sauce in a sensitive place) if you do that, the chances are it will eventually lead to the end of the relationship when the “pranks” get worse and worse. Remember that while we might presume GF had no idea of how painful her “prank” was, now you know and if you do the equivalent to her you aren’t going to be able to say you didn’t know how painful it was. That will result in either escalation of the “pranks” or a breakup.
JackWood 21
Soak it in cider.
rudico67 8
That's not a prank, that's abuse. Dump her, because obviously she doesn't respect you, and it's not funny
SirEnigM0nk 22
Ditch the bitch. That's not a prank that's assault.
Razath 17
Yep, assault and abuse under the guise of a "prank". She knew what putting hot sauce up there would do. File charges I'd say, and find someone else.
spinningrecords 14
Drink a lot of milk while you break up with her
tiptoppc 21
Next time she drinks a glass of milk, rip it away from her and drop your dick into it. Claim you are cooling down the old injury she gave you. Insist she drink rest of milk so it’s not wasted. Even better if you avoid washing that area for a week or two on purpose to make it really nasty. Goat cheese nasty…