Today, to be nice, I baked cookies for my step-mom as a birthday present. I burnt my hand while putting them in the oven, but I'd hoped it would be worth it. When she got home, I gave one for her to try. She took a bite, spit it out, and threw it on the floor, asking if it was a joke or if I was really trying to poison her. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to make cookies, the box said mix by hand so I literally used my hands. Not a fork or anything. My step-mom walked in and laughed at me. FML
Today, I baked my boyfriend his favorite cookies for his birthday. Well, I tried. I followed the recipe, but they somehow turned out diamond hard. When he tried to bite into one, he chipped a tooth. Instead of being mad, he laughed and said, “At least you tried.” Now I’m stuck with inedible cookies and a dentist's bill. FML
Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML
Today, I baked a cake. After feeding it to my entire family, I opened the stove, planning to temporarily store the cake inside. I then noticed a mouse, burnt to a crisp. FML
Today, I woke up early and spent hours baking and icing a three-tier cake for my friend's eighteenth birthday, which is this evening. I just found out my mother threw it in the compost bin because she's on a diet and it was "tempting" her. FML
Today, I told my crush I’d bring homemade cookies. The batch burned so badly the smoke alarm screamed. In desperation, I bought store cookies, put them on a tray, and claimed them as mine. My crush said, “These taste store-bought.” I panicked and confessed. FML
Today, I made my mom cookies for Mother's Day. My brother took all the cookies to work as a snack, because I didn't specifically tell him that the homemade "MOM" hearts weren't meant for him. FML
Today, to treat the family, I cooked something nice in appreciation for sticking it out over the past few tough months. Unfortunately, I chose this one day to not wear my oven mitts when carrying the food to the table, spilling the food all over the carpeted floor. FML
Today, as I was making biscuits my mom joked, "Don't burn the house down." I told her "Don't worry, I know how to make biscuits." The oven caught fire. FML
Today, after placing it on top of the stove, my hot tray of freshly-baked cookies slipped. I caught it, though. With my bare hand. FML
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Top comments
Yarrachel 16
Wow, what a bitch, you should actually poison her next time.
Guuurlplease 0
shank her ass
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Comments (127)
roafteth 4
idk what her problem is... I love arsenic cookies
astriofou 0
give her a poison apple.
jeepy_fml 4
she's not worth your time and effort, treat her nice and she gives you shit. spit into her food that time you need to prepare food for her since she enjoy spitting so much
heyitsrachel98 0
you should have said 'yeah, oh shit it didn't work'.
GLaDOSv1_09 19
Better yet, she could have pointed out that poisons don't kill immediately.
jrkardamis 0
Kill her
Joanlysn 0
What a bitttttcchhhhhh
newburton13 26
Guess who's making poison cookies next time?
BG_caligrown 0
what a bitch. i wouldve slapped her
FMLbutYDI 17
Am I the only one who knows what Shinee is?