Today, the local gossip was in line behind me at the shop. She saw me buying pregnancy tests. The good news is that I'm not pregnant. The bad news is that she'll definitely have everyone thinking I am. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I discovered that my best friend has been telling everyone at our workplace that I'm faking my pregnancy for attention. She was at every single one of my ultrasounds. FML
Today, I mentioned to my mum that one of my friends is pregnant. She decided I was lying, that I'm the one who's actually pregnant, and that I'm going to get checked out by a doctor. FML
Today, my mother asked a woman at the clothing store we go to all the time when her baby was due. Turns out the woman isn't pregnant. FML
Today, while shopping in the baby department at a local department store, a woman approached me asking when I was due. I told her that I was due in 4 months. I lied. I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, I was at Aéropostale with some friends when I noticed a woman glaring at me. When we got to the checkout, the woman still had her eyes on me, so I asked why she was staring. She snapped, "If you had kept your legs closed, you wouldn't be pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML
Today, at school, one of my students confidently told me that I "wasn't hiding my baby bump very well anymore." I'm not pregnant. Just fat, apparently. FML
Today, as I was just finishing my grocery shopping, a little girl and her mother walked past. Seeing the little girl staring at me, I waved. The girl then pointed to me and asked her mother "Mommy, is that man pregnant?" FML
Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML
Today, I heard a rumor about myself going around my high school that I am pregnant, I've dropped out of school, and that my belly is showing. I'm not actually pregnant. I've been severely depressed, so I've missed a few days of school and I've been eating too much apparently. FML
Today, my doctor told me I'm pregnant. Since we've been trying for several years, I called my husband to tell him the good news. Not long after, my doctor called to inform me there'd been a clerical mix-up and I'm not actually pregnant after all. FML
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Top comments
UnidentifiedFun 37
Shouldn't be that hard to diffuse, just tell people the truth and anyone who doesn't believe you will obviously find out that they're wrong in a couple of months
mmoses12 11
if i was her i would watch my back! you can make a lot of enemys like that!
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Comments (56)
Catdragon 40
congrats on not becoming a slave for 18 years
higgysaurus 18
You seem like a really positive person.
Metalslipp 15
#1, makes me wonder how you treat your parents.
Catdragon 40
congrats on having no sense of humor. it was a joke in case you missed it.
higgysaurus 18
#21 oh I didnt miss it, it just wasn't a good joke :)
Catdragon 40
I didn't mean you, the other guy. it was a crappy joke but I've had a long day. I found a pube in my fries from bk.
higgysaurus 18
#32 dang, that might be a worse FML than the one we are commenting on haha
Catdragon 40
I had eaten a few fries before I discovered it. good thing it was at the top though. curly fries anyone?
Catdragon 40
also sometimes I make comments knowing people will hate it just to see how many dislikes I'll get.
Tyrez 32
Hehe, I've learned the hard way as well that FML community doesn't tolerate jokes in their comments. Apparently the comments are to prove to everyone how morally upright you are. All these egomaniacs make me sad.
DeltaDragonxx 20
#45 no, good jokes are very much allowed by all of us. Emphasis on the word good.
xMoparMagic 8
I totally agree. I very much dislike children.
HotFrosty 14
Ugh! I hate people like that.
UnidentifiedFun 37
Shouldn't be that hard to diffuse, just tell people the truth and anyone who doesn't believe you will obviously find out that they're wrong in a couple of months
UnidentifiedFun 37
I know it's not ideal and my plan has its flaws, but what else can she do? Also, if the girl is already known as the town gossip, then people might just believe OP over her.
Alana Astudillo 9
The stubborn ones will think she had an abortion.
iwanttogotoparis 26
She should learn to keep her mouth shut
Adapdion 16
I'm sorry to hear that OP. Hopefully everything will work out, but if not, everyone will learn the truth in a couple of weeks tops.
heftysmash253 6
You dodged the real bullet here from becoming a teen mom. School only lasts so long, so just ignore any stories that get spread around. I suggest using contraception if you didn't previously as well.
KhaleesiDannie 26
It doesn't say she's a teen or in school
AmeliaPond21042 20
i know many adults who gossip.. not just teens
rosha267 21
Eh about 3-4 months down the line she will lose all credibility
booman342 13
The local gossips are usually the most insecure. You bet your ass s/he won't be telling anyone about his/her own personal business.
igg125 30
It's I only a matter of time before she has everyone thinking you had an abortion.
Steve95401 49
You could have gone across town, or even to another city, to avoid running into someone who knows you.
writerchic85 26
She shouldn't have to do that
MariaGiovanni 25
Or she should be able to buy personal products in places that are convenient without having people run their mouths...
Fmlsea 28
she shouldnt have to go to another town just to buy a pregnancy test. nosy people should just learn to mind their own damn business.
littlekellilee 45
This is why self checkouts are so fantastic.