Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend due to our long distance relationship. She then agreed to date my best friend who lives in the same town as me. FML

Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend. She dumped me because she was moving to Wyoming. I guess Wyoming is code for my friend's apartment. FML

Today, I found out that my girlfriend's parents offered her a trip to Europe if she dumped me. She accepted, and broke up with me. Her parents were lying. FML

Today, my girlfriend of almost a year, and to whom I intended to propose on Thanksgiving, dumped me because her husband will be returning from Iraq soon. And he wants to have a "talk" with me. I didn't know she was married. FML

Today, I met the girl who dumped me because the distance between us was too great. We're in the same city again. She's now dating a Marine in Iraq. FML

Alexa, play "What difference does it make?" by The Smiths

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after finding out my parents are divorced. Same reason my last three girlfriends broke up with me. FML

Factor variability

Today, my longtime crush, who lives in Texas, got into a relationship. He turned me down when I'd confessed my feelings for him because he “doesn’t do long distance.” The girl he’s with lives in the same city as me. We both live in Florida. FML

Chance encounter

Today, I ran into a guy I knew from 3 years ago. He just moved here from out of state and is planning to stay forever. This is the same guy who dated me long distance and dumped me after a while because he “couldn’t handle long distance.” He just got engaged to a girl who lives here. FML

Today, I was watching a movie at my girlfriend's house with her and her parents. There was a part where a brother and sister kissed, so I said "where'd they come from, Alabama?" Today is also the day I found out my girlfriend's parents are from Alabama. FML