Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after I cleaned out the fridge of things that expired months ago, my roommate got angry and insisted upon pulling all the moldy dairy products out of the garbage and putting them back because "they weren't mine and I shouldn't throw out other people's food." FML
Today, a friend invited me over for dinner. She presented me with a "gourmet" homemade meal. As I started eating, I realized it tasted… off. She looked at me expectantly, so I politely ate it all. Afterwards, she told me it was a new recipe she was trying "tuna casserole" made with canned tuna… which we found out later expired in 2015. FML
Today, my girlfriend screamed at me for throwing away her food, calling me a sick, controlling psycho. When I pointed out that the seafood pasta I tossed was a week old and almost certainly rotten, she dug the box out of the trash and ate it to prove a point. Now she's got food poisoning and somehow it's my fault. FML
Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic so to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her. Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML
Today, my housemate, who never cleans, cooked tacos, then left her dishes for the rest of the evening. When shown a bowl of murky water in the sink, she denied it was hers, prompting my vegetarian housemate to clean it. Putting her hand in the bowl, she found a lump of raw taco meat. Yum. FML
Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, so I made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informed me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML
Today, I made a healthy, delicious dinner. My girlfriend picked at it until it went cold, then stuck it in the fridge. Later, she devoured a giant bowl of sugary cereal, then complained all night that her stomach hurt. This happens a lot. FML
Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
Today, my roommate decided to go vegan and threw all of MY meats, cheeses, chocolates and even beans for some reason in the trash, because he "doesn't need that kind of toxic waste" in his life. FML
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
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Top comments
punjabi44 0
what an amazing roomate... get the hell out
ambowew 7
The awkward moment when you find out your roommate is banging the garbage man.
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Comments (98)
ambowew 7
The awkward moment when you find out your roommate is banging the garbage man.
lolitaababy 0
ahahahahaahahaaa!!!
AnneFTW 17
Even if she was sleeping with him, why would she think he would care if she wasted food?! She could have blamed it on her roommate if she was that paranoid.
pinkp909 8
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha what kind of person cares what a garbage man thinks?
insanesna1l 0
the garbage man? because the garbage man can
missryena 1
Lmfaooooo nice!
gb_chrs 2
your roommate is crazy, if she doesn't want to waste food thay badly, then take pictures of those food and post in on facebook. NOT serve it to her roommate. slap her hard!
saturnsonic 3
Your room mate is a douche!!
IsBitchBetter 1
WTF? How come you have a bunch of expired food? You both sound like a couple of lazy morons! it's called clean out your pantry! if you have stuff that you aren't going to use, donate it to a food bank before it goes bad.
ksohail 0
sasas as
SpaceMannn 0
I try to organize my trash in the trashcan so the sweet old garbage man doesn't think I'm the type of person that is disorganized and I also spray all my trash with tons if febreeze so he can see that my trash doesn't smell and I'm a clean person.
i_love_grrr 0
lol XD
track69 3
hahahaha
reiu1489 0
are u a dumbass it's trash who gives a damn I bet they like the nasty smell conceding that they are with a dumptruck full of smell trash all day!!!!!!!
I_R_Genius 3
#72, Are you a dumbass for not realizing sarcasm?
Yaqui_fml 9
I'd cut a bitch.
NancyDeebensDPDS 0
here comes ghetto girl.
Zebidee 9
Your roommate is clearly both stupid and mental.