Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after I cleaned out the fridge of things that expired months ago, my roommate got angry and insisted upon pulling all the moldy dairy products out of the garbage and putting them back because "they weren't mine and I shouldn't throw out other people's food." FML
Today, a friend invited me over for dinner. She presented me with a "gourmet" homemade meal. As I started eating, I realized it tasted… off. She looked at me expectantly, so I politely ate it all. Afterwards, she told me it was a new recipe she was trying "tuna casserole" made with canned tuna… which we found out later expired in 2015. FML
Today, my girlfriend screamed at me for throwing away her food, calling me a sick, controlling psycho. When I pointed out that the seafood pasta I tossed was a week old and almost certainly rotten, she dug the box out of the trash and ate it to prove a point. Now she's got food poisoning and somehow it's my fault. FML
Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic so to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her. Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML
Today, my housemate, who never cleans, cooked tacos, then left her dishes for the rest of the evening. When shown a bowl of murky water in the sink, she denied it was hers, prompting my vegetarian housemate to clean it. Putting her hand in the bowl, she found a lump of raw taco meat. Yum. FML
Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, so I made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informed me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML
Today, I made a healthy, delicious dinner. My girlfriend picked at it until it went cold, then stuck it in the fridge. Later, she devoured a giant bowl of sugary cereal, then complained all night that her stomach hurt. This happens a lot. FML
Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
Today, my roommate decided to go vegan and threw all of MY meats, cheeses, chocolates and even beans for some reason in the trash, because he "doesn't need that kind of toxic waste" in his life. FML
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
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Top comments
punjabi44 0
what an amazing roomate... get the hell out
ambowew 7
The awkward moment when you find out your roommate is banging the garbage man.
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Comments (98)
mask724 7
well deer have you ever scene a dear in your headlites? lol. government schools suck! people can learn on their own, as well.
Sugarcannon 0
*dear *seen *deer How is your comment related to the FML? It doesn't mention education in anyway as you can have roommates outside of universities.
domosumo 0
Ok. Here's the plan. Don't complain and buy some cat food to make a lovely tuna fish bake for your room mate. When she's done devouring it and asks how you made it, just casually mention you 'accidentally' bought some cat food and didn't want to throw away perfectly good cat food just because you didn't own a cat.
jillypooh 0
that's just wrong. D:
purple_sarah88 0
That's disgusting, she sounds disturbed if she cares more about what strangers think of her than your health! Kick her out and consider reporting her to the police for trying to poison you, at least threaten to so she leaves.
Boxy 0
would yur roomate be blonde by any chance?
kimscion 0
dumb
foryoublue94 0
Seriously, what the ****?!
RSL1198 0
who gives a **** what the garbage men think
amaya726 4
Did she eat any herself??
Flesheatinmonkey 3
Why would she car about what garbage men think