j
United States
Today, my wife told me alcohol gives me "increased confidence without increased ability." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Bruce
Pour some more funny!
Today, my alcoholic friend, who is now sober, told me I was a lot more fun when he was drinking. FML
Fartini
Today, I discovered that alcohol makes me red-faced, extremely gassy and eager to discuss my virginity with everyone. FML
bystander
United States
Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML
oh no
What Mötley Crüe call "Breakfast"
Today, I think all those jokes my wife made about becoming an alcoholic during quarantine may be true. She came back from the weekly shopping today with 7 bottles of wine, a bottle of tequila and a 30-pack of beer. FML
dantko
Dearborn, United States
Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML
Anonymous
How very dare you?
Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML
alcoholic
Estonia
Irony failure
Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML
the-yao
United States
Today, someone told me they liked my personality when I'm drunk. I asked, "What about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML
drunkluv
Australia
Today, my girlfriend openly admitted to me that she wouldn't have gone out with me if she hadn't been drunk. FML
Anonymous
Receipe ideas
Today, after I was surprised by my husband announcing he was coming off the drink and going to the gym to get in shape, I found out that I've been such a fool, as it turns out the pre-workout shakes he kept making contained about 5 shots of vodka, so he could drink at home without me moaning. FML
Top comments
Zelphoric 25
Pretty much identical to something Shakespeare said. "it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance" (referring to alcohol in Macbeth)
coming back in the future 30
Actually, it has increased my chances of having sex that night as it lowers my self control and standards.
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Comments (36)
themermaid_a 14
Just get her drunk and she won't notice
spinningrecords 14
Crap, alcohol gives everybody an increase in confidence without an increase in ability!
bananarama619 3
She might be right, even your FMLs are awful.
takeittoem 8
This is a very true statement.... still, I would say that most of the time it's better to have lots of confidence and mediocre ability than lots of ability and no confidence.
AdamTodddBrown 11
Yes. That's about how it works.
jvanevery 19
wise woman