Today, my wife is out of town on business. So I got drunk. Really drunk. Felt like swimming around midnight (we live in Arizona). Jumped in the pool… and forget how to swim. Too uncoordinated, I almost drowned. Then I threw up in the pool. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, my husband woke up, tried walking to the bathroom, fell down, got back up and started peeing on the carpet. I’ve never seen him this drunk before. FML
Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up in the hospital with a broken coccyx. Apparently, my drunk self came to the glorious conclusion that it would be a good idea to cannonball into a puddle while screaming "POOLPARTYYYY!" at the top of my lungs. FML
Today, I got really sick after drinking a lot of alcohol and started throwing up. Every time I threw up into the toilet, the water would splash back up into my face. FML
Today, I had to be bailed out of the local police station while hungover. I don’t remember any of it but I got so drunk yesterday I apparently went and took a shit on my cheating ex wife’s grave in front of witnesses, and was arrested while trying to stumble my way home. FML
Today, I hired a babysitter, so my husband and I could spend some time together and work on our failing marriage. I dressed up. We went out. He got drunk and puked on me. FML
Today, I fucked up. I let my mental health problems and the alcohol win. I was horrible to my wife and basically ended my marriage due to my problems and insecurities. FML
Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML
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Top comments
BurnInDemonFire 39
Time to give up the booze before your wife finds your bloated corpse face down in your pool surrounded by puke.
RichardPencil 32
Thanks for bringing our state's name into this. We're so proud now!
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Comments (5)
RichardPencil 32
Thanks for bringing our state's name into this. We're so proud now!
Nhayaa 21
If you wait for your wife to be out of town so you can get drunk your life must be boring as hell...
BurnInDemonFire 39
Time to give up the booze before your wife finds your bloated corpse face down in your pool surrounded by puke.
Solarizeman 12
sounds like it would be better for you to get drunk when she is home. can't trust yourself.
alex_jaguara 33
That's exactly how a boy I knew drowned in a lake. Very irresponcible of you.