Today, my wife decided she didn't want to lose weight with me. We were trying to decide on a reward for each pound lost. I suggested sex as the reward. She felt it wasn't fair to punish her just because I lost weight. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to encourage my spouse to come with me and work out a bit, figuring it would help us both get be healthier and be something to do together. I got told she had no desire to get healthy or look attractive, and that I should find a "Fuck buddy" instead. What? FML
Today, I officially completed my weight loss journey, only for my wife, who'd previously threatened to divorce me if I didn't lose weight, to tell me that she realized she liked me better when I was fat and that "you don't know what you have until it's gone." FML
Today, after many comments over years about her needing to lose weight, I had to tell the woman I love, the woman I married, that she had gotten so overweight that the sight of her naked made me want to puke. Apparently her goal was to get so fat I'd stop asking for sex. I'm her third divorce. FML
Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML
Today, my fiancé and I had a fight because he wouldn't let me get what I wanted to eat, even though it was my money. He said, "It's way too many calories. I'm supposed to help you lose weight." When I pointed out that I had given up a month ago, he looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can tell." FML
Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML
Today, my girlfriend had a huge fight with me because while I'm trying to gain weight and she’s trying to lose some, I’ve still lost more weight than her. Not my fault my body’s natural preference is to drop pounds like they’re hot. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I've recently become serious about getting fit, and have lost nearly 84 pounds. Apparently, when I was fat, I made her look smaller in comparison. When I got slimmer, she insisted I either gain the weight back or she'd leave. So she did. FML
Today, after my wife set a new rule to improve my health, one sex session for every three visits to the gym, which has greatly improved our sex life for two months, and I've never been fitter, but now she complains I'm not keeping her company on the couch anymore. FML
Today, I surprised my wife with some new lingerie for our upcoming anniversary, thinking she would like it. Instead of a thank you, I got an ungrateful attitude from her instead. FML
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Top comments
WateryAsh 0
I'm sorry, but I laughed xD
yanni222 0
Kick her in the face and yell "I live to have sex!" then walk away real slowly and in a cool manner, as your house explodes behind you.
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Comments (77)
annamg 0
At least the OP is trying to lose weight together with his wife and be encouraging, instead of just calling her fat or insulting her looks like some of the other FMLs.
zarc 0
Ok, I'm going to add to what I have previously said and give the OP some advice: 1 - Do not bug her for sex. That's just a huge turn off and she doesn't owe it to you. 2 - If she's doing housework, help out. Help out without being asked. Tell her to go relax and you'll finish what she was doing. 3 - Do something nice for her. Massage, day at the spa, flowers, chocolate, something that she would like. Doesn't have to be the traditional stuff. 4 - If you have kids, volunteer to take care of them for a day while she can do whatever she wants. 5 - Go on a date. Yes, you're married, but that doesn't mean you can't still go out. Your dating lead to marriage, so return to the roots. 6 - Lose weight anyway. 7 - Cook her a meal. 8 - Ask her about her day and listen. 9 - Do not think and act that any one of the above will lead to sex. An isolated incident will only breed suspicion and probably not lead to sex. Not to mention it would be painfully obvious, and if you do pester her about sex afterward it would just unravel what good you did. Yes, the above does play into the whole "women clean the house and watch the kids" stereotype, but it's still way too prominent to disregard. If you're stuck with keeping the house clean and watching the kids all day with a husband who doesn't do much help, by the end of the day you just want to sleep. Sex just ends up being another chore. You married each other, so odds are there was a spark at some point. Be proactive about reigniting it and you could very well reignite the passion as well. Whining to the internet won't do anything but quash the passion further. And in the end, the two of you might have changed too much for the relationship to work. The ultimate piece of advice, though: sit down and TALK about it. Calmly. Discuss why she no longer feels like having sex and find out what can be done on your end about it. That will be way more productive and effective that what I said above.
lmmmr 0
Wait, what? Treating other people like human beings isn't allowed on FML. Especially women. Seriously though, this applies to everyone in a relationship, if you are not doing #1, #2, #3, #5 and #8 on a consistent basis, you absolutely deserve all the FMLs in the world.
alex678_fml 0
Too long. Did not read.
CFR 0
zarc you're my hero =)
englishmuffin 0
This comment may have been longer than others (seriously, people who say comments like these are too long to read make me wonder about their ability to read at all), but it offers the most legit advice out of all the comments. Men wonder why women lose in interest in sex after marriage. Women wonder why men stop being romantic. Maybe a little compromise and a few kind acts could do some good.
Julioyobaby 0
This one makes me wanna go "DOH!". Lol. :D
eastbaydad 0
what a bitch...leave her fat ass and **** all of her friends to teach her a lesson
loser_fml 1
YDI for being fat in the first place.
lmmmr 0
They probably wouldn't do him either.
natasha_tailor 0
ouchyyyyyyy
fmh123 0
Whats the lesson here? Never get married
cthulhu1138 1
Fortunately, sub-par sexual performance can be remedied. There is a long list of books on the subject and if you have time to post on FML then you have time to use Google. Just avoid anything that promises fantastic results in just 30 days.
ManiacsRose 10
Sex for every pound??? If that happened, you would be losing a LOT of weight together..even if you don't do it right. Which apparently you don't.