Today, my wife decided she didn't want to lose weight with me. We were trying to decide on a reward for each pound lost. I suggested sex as the reward. She felt it wasn't fair to punish her just because I lost weight. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to encourage my spouse to come with me and work out a bit, figuring it would help us both get be healthier and be something to do together. I got told she had no desire to get healthy or look attractive, and that I should find a "Fuck buddy" instead. What? FML
Today, I officially completed my weight loss journey, only for my wife, who'd previously threatened to divorce me if I didn't lose weight, to tell me that she realized she liked me better when I was fat and that "you don't know what you have until it's gone." FML
Today, after many comments over years about her needing to lose weight, I had to tell the woman I love, the woman I married, that she had gotten so overweight that the sight of her naked made me want to puke. Apparently her goal was to get so fat I'd stop asking for sex. I'm her third divorce. FML
Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML
Today, my fiancé and I had a fight because he wouldn't let me get what I wanted to eat, even though it was my money. He said, "It's way too many calories. I'm supposed to help you lose weight." When I pointed out that I had given up a month ago, he looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can tell." FML
Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML
Today, my girlfriend had a huge fight with me because while I'm trying to gain weight and she’s trying to lose some, I’ve still lost more weight than her. Not my fault my body’s natural preference is to drop pounds like they’re hot. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I've recently become serious about getting fit, and have lost nearly 84 pounds. Apparently, when I was fat, I made her look smaller in comparison. When I got slimmer, she insisted I either gain the weight back or she'd leave. So she did. FML
Today, after my wife set a new rule to improve my health, one sex session for every three visits to the gym, which has greatly improved our sex life for two months, and I've never been fitter, but now she complains I'm not keeping her company on the couch anymore. FML
Today, I surprised my wife with some new lingerie for our upcoming anniversary, thinking she would like it. Instead of a thank you, I got an ungrateful attitude from her instead. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
WateryAsh 0
I'm sorry, but I laughed xD
yanni222 0
Kick her in the face and yell "I live to have sex!" then walk away real slowly and in a cool manner, as your house explodes behind you.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (77)
imajinethat 0
YDI for not keeping your woman under control.
asherah14 7
Under control? If you're serious, you need to stfu. If you're joking, I don't see the humor in your comment.
dight_fml 4
On the one hand, ZING!. On the other hand, that's harsh.
_THE_MASTER_ 0
tell her to at least give a ******* for each pound lost. remember, the trick is cardio....don't lift, cuz you gain muscle which weighs more...no bj's for weight gained...
ozymandias_fml 0
Divorce the fat bitch.
DameGreyWulf 1
I think per pound is a little much, maybe that is what she thought? Unless you're not good at losing weight, then okay. What other reward is there, anyway, for losing weight? It's not like you can have a party with beer and cake lol AND YEAH, sex is a form of exercise too. So many women marrying guys who apparently don't please them. How sad. [edit] I like 35's suggestion. That's not too much punishment for her piglips, is it?
plexico 4
Two pounds a week is a good safe rate of weight loss. Sex twice a week is OK for most couples. If sex is the reward for him, what does she get? Cash? Anti-sex?
DameGreyWulf 1
Good point. I am too much under the impression that it's easy to lose a pound in one day... Lol, if it was cash, wouldn't that make her a hooker in some sense?
plexico 4
You cannot lose a pound of fat a day in any normal circumstance. You can drop more than two pounds a week for maybe two or three weeks, but a lot of that would be muscle mass and water. And if you are starting over 300 pounds, you can generally lose 1% of your body weight weekly and be healthy. ---- As far as the hooker thing is concerned, I turn over a big chunk of my bi-weekly paycheck over to my wife nominally for "household expenses," but I find that check easier to write when she's just ****** my brains out and kind of humiliating during a dry spell.
sublime93 0
I want a funnel cake
konstantin_fml 0
FYL, man. I've been fat, skinny and in-between in my 10 years of marriage to my husband, but having loud, sweaty sex is a low-cost, high-value gift we present to ourselves at least twice a week. It's sad that your wife treats it like a chore. :(
plexico 4
At least twice a week. Damn right, konstantin, that sounds just about right. Can you call my wife and tell her that is normal, and her husband (me) is not an oversexed freak for wanting it that often? Thanks.
CFR 0
Ouch...How on Earth does that happen....Who can be THAT bad at sex that it's considered a punishment for the other person...Are you even paying attention to her needs during it or are you just... Ouch... Question, if you're trying to lose weight because you want to, isn't losing the weight a reward in itself?
konstantin_fml 0
You said it better than me. I both love and hate you.
lmmmr 0
You sound like you're 12.