Today, my three-year-old decided to dump the entire contents of her cereal box onto the kitchen floor because she was looking for a "prize." The only prize we found was a huge dead cockroach, which she promptly stuck in her mouth. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I spent ages cleaning my house, only for my toddler to spill a box of cereal right when I'd finished. As I cleaned up the mess, the dog dragged the cereal into almost every room. All the floors now have what I can only describe as "surprise crunch zones." FML
Today, my son found a cockroach in his bed. I had to kill the thing and wash all his sheets and stuffed animals before he'd finally agree to go back to bed, three hours later. FML
Today, I was dumping some old milk in the sink and noticed it wasn't going down. Assuming food was clogging the drain, I stuck my hand down in it to remove the food. I removed a blueberry and half a cockroach. FML
Today, I was eating a bowl of cereal and noticed something float to the top. On closer inspection, it turned out to be a mouse turd. I had already eaten half the bowl. FML
Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML
Today, I found a New Year's surprise: a cockroach in my kitchen drawers. FML
Today, my 1-year-old son walked up to me with a disgusted look on his face. I could tell he had something in his mouth so I pulled it out. He'd been sucking on a piece of cat poop. FML
Today, I found a roach in my takeaway. I found it after I felt something hard in my mouth and spat pieces of it back out onto my plate. FML
Today, after threatening my son for weeks that if he didn't clean his room, I would, I went in, equipped with a garbage bag, ready to throw away everything I found, only to discover dozens of empty bottles, two partially empty pizza boxes, Taco Bell wrappers, and cockroaches. FML
Today, my 6 year-old brought me a card. On it was a turd belonging to my 4 year-old son. She got excited and grossed out, and threw it on the rug. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
You need to take that back to the store. Clearly, you should be getting a LIVE, huge cockroach! What fun for a child is a dead one? She should have to run it down, capture it, kill it while enjoying it's little roachy screams and then eat it. No wonder kids are so soft, fat and lazy these days, we taking all the joy out of childhood by giving them cereal will pre-killed roaches. Thanks for making Texas proud.
tinuelena 0
**** HER life! lol :) Gross, though. Did she spit it out or did you have to fish it out of her mouth?
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Comments (80)
Jarlais 0
ewwwwwwwwwwww
caZper 4
you'll get the prize after u get the cash from the cereal company after suing them
DocHolliday_fml 0
Don't tell me, let me guess: Oooh, I know, you're a professional housekeeper. slob. pig.
brittaunt 0
If it was in the box sue the company.
xclegend613 0
dirty slob
Degrassiluv 0
sue the company. wow some of these comments are so stupid.
higurashil0v3 0
ewwwww D'x
droplets 0
The guys are going to like her when she's older..,she doesn't question what she sticks in her mouth.
fmlrofl19 0
ahahaha xD epic comment
darkangel47 0
FYL? its not your mouth. f her life is a batter suggestion
Kedy11 0
OMG!!!! A dead cockroach fell out of a newly opened box of kellogs frosted flakes a few years back on me! My cereal relationship has since been destroyed! I still always check.