Today, my therapist told me to write down my goals for the next five years. After thinking hard for what seemed like forever, all I could come up with was getting a girlfriend and having an FML published. And to be honest, I'm not even sure about that first one. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after therapy for obsessing over every woman who talks to me, all I could think about was how I could seduce my therapist. I think I still need a lot of help. FML
Today, I realized the only real accomplishment I've had in my life that I take any pride in is that I've had an FML published. FML
Today, I went to therapy. Previously, I had been given the task to write a list of things I hate about myself so my doctor could see what we needed to work on. I gave her the list, and she simply said, "Wow, I've never had someone give me such a long list." I had 55 items on the list. FML
Today, I took a deep breath and started journaling to "figure out my life." Two hours later, I had written four pages of ranting about my upstairs neighbor's loud footsteps and zero pages about my life goals. FML
Today, I realized that not only am I still an unpublished author, but I can't even get an FML posted after submitting several in the last year. FML
Today, after complaining that I had nothing to write about in my weekly journal for college, my professor suggested in front of everyone that I should get a girlfriend. FML
Today, again I wrote out another FML. Again, I deleted it before posting. Every FML I write would seem like I'm just making stuff up, or would be so obviously me that it would just cause me grief. My life is just an endless stream of weird stuff I can't tell family or friends. FML
Today, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. After telling her everything I'm going through, she looked at me and said "You know… every five years or so I get a case completely beyond my ability to help." I guess it's been five years. FML
Today, my therapist told me to write down my secrets in an envelope and symbolically burn them. My secrets included stories of my rampant sex life, drug use, a suicide attempt, and the overpowering hatred I have for my family. I've managed to misplace the envelope somewhere back home. FML
Today, I've been seeing a therapist after more than 20 years of struggles. I think I saw him cry during our sessions a few times. I guess that my inability to live my life at the fullest was hard earned. FML
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Top comments
fsomelife 26
We're always here for you to make your dreams come true, buddy.
H4H 15
You can impress a girl by telling her you have a published FML. Killing two birds with one stone!
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Comments (39)
PurpleMyth 28
Welcome to the club
soulreaper12296 28
Well guess what OP, you got the first one done! Now just to work on getting that girlfriend!
oldie_goldie 13
Thank you to the community for publishing this absolutely brilliant FML.
Ninjerman 7
Stay strong friend. You'll find your girl. The best ones are always worth waiting for.
Shmatterhorn 38
You've got one published before me. Good going, OP.
SteveDudleyUK 10
Your goal should be going on a round the world trip. Paid for by the money you will save in the next five years by not going to a therapist.
_EnderDoge 22
Well, you got one! More than I can say about myself, haha.
ZiGgY576 20
Congrats!
Pineapple_Salad 14
Well looks like you can check half of those goals off your list, good job
jonny_salsa 7
The comments on this FML are really positive. My faith in humanity is restored. On another note, you're halfway there OP! At this rate you'll have that girlfriend in no time