Today, after complaining that I had nothing to write about in my weekly journal for college, my professor suggested in front of everyone that I should get a girlfriend. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my friend thought it would be funny to announce to the class that I finally got a girlfriend. I received a standing ovation. FML
Today, during class, a girl had suggested how I, a 16 year-old guy, would be a high maintenance girlfriend. We sat and debated this, allowing for other people to listen in and agree with her, and eventually the entire class agreed with her. Even the teacher. FML
Today, I gathered the courage to participate in a class discussion. My professor laughed at me. FML
Today, the professor I've had a crush on informed me that there's only one way left I could still pass his course. Thinking this was an attempt to flirt with me, I told him I'd do anything he could imagine. He then looked confused when he asked me to write an essay. FML
Today, I wrote my boyfriend a love letter during class and told him to read it when he got home. He texted me later asking me why I gave him my school assignment. I must have handed the love letter in to my teacher. FML
Today, I gathered the courage and wrote a love letter to put in the girl I like's school bag, at the end of classes. I felt anxious for a response. Her bag turned out to be her cousin's, and I became a joke in the classroom. FML
Today, while writing a midterm, my period came unexpectedly. Too bad my male professor was the one to notice and not me. FML
Today, after I'd offered to make suggestions to my partner after she finished writing an essay for her college class, and she'd read my suggestions, we argued about every single point I wrote down. Despite telling her she didn't have to take any suggestions we argued for 2 days about it. The professor had the same notes as mine. FML
Today, I spent the day studying with one of my classmates whom I've just met. While studying, she kept bragging about her boyfriend and decided to show me a picture of him. It was my boyfriend. FML
Today, I was hitting on a girl who was getting ready to walk into the same class as me. We were waiting outside the room, so I told her that I'd heard the professor for the course was a total bitch. We walked into the room. I sat down at a desk. She stood behind the podium. FML
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Top comments
Popcornography 10
Today, my right hand and I went to the cinema together.
DocBastard 40
Poetrywriter12 - Have you BEEN to uni? If not, then you have no idea what you're talking about. If so, then I'm severely disappointed with you. Sure studies are important, but the most important part of college is to LIVE.
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Comments (100)
182crazyking 9
Ouch. What a dick! >.< FYL, mate.
RaggleFrock 13
Even Adrian Mole had a girlfriend in the end, so don't sweat it.
gc327072 31
"I didn't choose the thug life, my professor suggested it."
CallMeMcFeelii 14
People that claim they are asexual confuse the hell out of me. Does it mean they just like ******* themselves, or do they truly believe they can reproduce all alone? Maybe it's just me.
walmartpaysme 15
58, get a sense of humor. It's just a joke. There is no deeper meaning.
RydeOrDie 7
It is a joke, but in reality, asexual people just lack a libido. Their body doesn't produce the hormones or whatever that makes them want sex.
broseph_joseph 5
OP got burned.
Popcornography 10
Today, my right hand and I went to the cinema together.
gc327072 31
Did they go to watch popcornography?
challan 19
I like to go with my left hand. Feels like a first date that way.
Soloman212 28
Just feels like cheating to me. I'm a faithful partner.
doctorhook86 25
39: Yeah I prefer Lefty too.
SenselessPattern 12
Lefty always brings along that ****, Lube. It makes me feel so alone.
greatdanen 6
softcorn or hardcorn?
doctorhook86 25
87: Hardcorn popcornography, for sure. There's nothing like the sight of a sweet little kernel, dripping and glistening with hot oil, swelling like it's ready to burst...! *Pop!* *Yawn* well, I'm spent. Night.
stargazur 9
Doctorhook, you just ruined popcorn for me for the rest of my life. It will be a missed snack
InfiniIII 6
You have to equalize the use of each of hand to make sure that one arm doesn't become substantially larger than the other.
dapickle 9
Hahaha nice
Sexy_Kisses14 8
Maybe you should take his advice! I'm sorry OP.
MormonPornstar 7
Can't imagine your reaction if he were to say something insulting this time...
Fairclough 8
Agreed, Unless his willing to write about his dates with Mrs Palma and the five daughters ;)
DocBastard 40
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Wait wait wait...WHAT?? You're in college, man! If you aren't involved in nearly-illegal shenanigans good enough for a silly journal, then you are doing college WRONG. We need to talk. Seriously, I'm worried about you. Call me.
thatonename 7
Who knows, maybe it's shenanigans so awesome he may not want to put it in a journal his professor will read.
biggestfan23 11
#6 I highly doubt that
poetrywriter12 6
Urm, no. College is about getting good grades and getting into Uni. Some people just decide to balance fun with work. The fact he's having no fun is both good and depressing. So shove you with both hands OP, get a life and good on you for concentrating hard!
BeforeItWasCool 12
27- Your idea of college is very, very bleak. Most people manage to balance studying and entertainment. As Chef from south park would say: "There's a time and a place for everything and it's called college!"
Shadowvoid 33
Uni? Does that mean university? If so, i think the point of high school is to get good grades to get into college (i.e. university)
DocBastard 40
Poetrywriter12 - Have you BEEN to uni? If not, then you have no idea what you're talking about. If so, then I'm severely disappointed with you. Sure studies are important, but the most important part of college is to LIVE.
gracehi 33
I can't see where poetrywriter is from because I'm on the app, but I'm guessing that she's from Great Britain or somewhere else in Europe, or perhaps Australia. In Great Britain college is like high school, and it's for ages 16-18. Then you go on to "uni" or university, which is what we Americans call college. I'm not sure but I think it's the same throughout most of Europe and Australia. Anyway, I can see where she's coming from, because I doubt "shenanigans" are encouraged for 16 to 18 year olds.
ManInTheMachine 20
Grace, you must be on the Android app. I used to have the same issues, which is why I use my iPod Touch instead. I apologize in advance, but: -*United States -*He It had to be done. I'll show myself out.
gracehi 33
Well if she really is from the US, then I too am thoroughly confused by her comment. Perhaps she's a recent immigrant? I don't know! *head explodes*
Cainicide 5
I'm in college. I don't do any sort of partying. Homework, video games, and weed.
Vash_41288 10
I agree that some people don't have time for shenanigans , i go to school full time and work full time and that doesn't leave much time for anything else. I know lots whose parents are parents pay for it and they parry all the time, while rocking c grades. Done can do it others can't and not because of choice either.
walmartpaysme 15
59, proof reading saves lives. Your comment gave me a headache. 27, get the stick out of your ass.
Vash_41288 10
While i do apologize for my errors my point stands. Im sure you are smart enough to get the gist of it. Was typing this while i waited for next class to start so i didn't really doubler check it, my apologies.
GypsyRover 0
The most important thing to concentrate on in collage or at a uni is not getting a STD!
jsprackman 11
Write about your parties :D
KiddNYC1O 22
What parties?
ICastillo 25
Dang maybe you should go out and party and have a hangover night and then you will have a lot of stuff to write about.
rick1 8
He wouldn't remember it! He'd be wasted.
nephilim241 19
Doesn't matter, had... Oh wait
rooney0710 5
And this guy controls all your marks. Good luck. !
lovepandorasaver 11
Less complaining+more partying=success op!
perdix 31
I guess your stories of longing and masturbation have become repetitive and tiresome. Your professor thinks that you should try to get a girlfriend because he thinks your tales of failure and rejection are going to be hilarious. You should show him by lowering your standards and getting a nasty girlfriend.
stephan18 23
What?..
unknown_user5566 27
47- Perdix was making the assumption that the Professor reads the journals; he then implied that the Professor told OP to get a girlfriend because he's tired of reading OP's sad, sexless, lonely tales.
perdix 31
#51, thanks, I am so glad that you took the time to explain my comment to #47. And yet so sad that you had to :D
TheDrifter 24
An additional bit of advice for OP for guidance in this endeavor. If you have to ask your date "you're a woman, right?" Or "You're sure this is legal?" You're on track to a memorable night.