Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML
Today, my son is having housing issues, so I let him stay at my place for a while. Today, he found out that the quiet, dorky-looking professor who lives next door is an MMA fighter. He tried to break into the guy's house in the middle of the night and is now in the hospital. FML
Today, my idiot son has been getting his ass kicked nearly every day since he spread a rumor that he’d been sleeping with the most popular girl in school. Not only is she the wrestling coach’s daughter, her brothers are all massive jocks. Even though he apologized the beatings keep coming. FML
Today, I had to take my 15-year-old son to the hospital. He'd gone out dressed as some My Little Pony character and encountered someone who'd had the same idea. They then got into a fistfight, and my son got the shit beaten out of him. I wish I'd never bred. FML
Today, I found out why my son has been working out and taking martial arts classes. It was so he could beat his stepbrother up and put him in the hospital, as revenge for stealing his secret cash supply, over £4000. I'm too old and too tired for this. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML
Today, my son broke his hand when he and his best friend had the genius idea of punching each other in the fists as hard as they could. FML
Today, my son got in an argument with my boyfriend, packed up his stuff, and moved in with his dad. Not five minutes later I saw my boyfriend doing his stupid happy dance. When angrily confronted, he admitted he orchestrated every argument for months until he got the result he wanted, my son gone. FML
Today, my 14 year-old son asked to join my buddies and me at the gun range. The second I finished the safety lecture and handed him a pistol, he started twirling it on his finger (thankfully, it was unloaded). I smacked him in the head and took him home. Now he's moping and sulking like a bitch. FML
Today, my son, who to my great shame is a typical bully, was suspended for bullying a disabled girl. Her father must have been the biggest, meanest, most tattooed ex-marine I've ever seen. He blamed me for bad parenting, and I actually peed myself a little in fear, which he saw too. FML
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Top comments
arre2006 19
E-thugging backfired bigtime
chanellgymnast 17
Your username gives this FML justice.
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Comments (79)
swedeNix 13
Happened To me as well:) but i actually got the skills, hehe totaly worth it:) best part: cant get arrested for assulting strangers in My own front yard
MidnaLink 35
A) Don't brag B) Don't throw the first punch if you can help it.
chocolatekitty 7
Smh.
CharresBarkrey 16
That's a good way to get your house set on fire.
xkncas 8
You're a fag.
SynysterNero 20
Kick him out.
fightingfu 5
Perhaps he learned something today.
fluffycatsdad 33
Open up your own can of whoop-a** on that boy!
Space_Teddy 29
sounds like you need to go over his house and leave a note on the door with his temporary adres, maybe those boys can give his balls back :p
jramirez16 9
I'm glad he got his ass kicked, if he was being a bully. That'll teach him!
timss4 19
Lol if it was on Xbox live, I heard the whole fight... Filled with epicness
usernameunkn0wn 18
Tell him you got a phone call saying, "I know where you live, and I know he's there!"
chocolatekitty 7
Your son shouldn't be giving anybody his address! Beat.His.Ass.
buckdharma 38
Cause online, I'm out in Hollywood I'm 6'5 and look damn good I drive a Maserati, I'm a black belt in karate And I love a good glass of wine
swedeNix 13
Wich school of karate? Im 2nd dan shotokan :)