Today, my son asked me where babies come from. I told him, "From god." He came back with, "Daddy said it was from fucking." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML
Today, I told to my son that I'm pregnant. After I'd told him, he looked up and yelled, "Fuck this shit!" and walked out of the room. My son is nine years-old. FML
Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry, Honey. FML
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML
Today, my nephew asked me how babies are made. I thought he'd had this chat with his mom, but I went in to it again. After a 20 minute 'discussion', he says "So what about the good stuff - get to the blowjobs and the lesbians." He's 11. FML
Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML
Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML
Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML
Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML
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Top comments
jjames7543 13
At least Dad was being honest
Savra_fml 17
OPs Kid: "So, where do you come from Raul?" Raul: "From Madrid in Spain. How about you?" OPs Kid: "From my daddys penis"
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Comments (184)
MissBubbley 2
Hahaha oh my!
PElexander 5
You are pretty awesome.
ieatunicorn4fun 7
Liar ^
Jason199615 0
time for a divorce.
KiddNYC1O 22
No. No. No... No. I hope you understand that.
RuCheezBurger 10
Divorce isn't the solution to everything dumbass.
hailphire130 0
13-I want to punch you in the face for that comment.
KiddNYC1O 22
46- YOU ARE too. Lol.
2ndSucks 15
111- You were grammar nazi'd. If you used proper english on a normal basis you would've caught on to that.
Nooz 2
He's obviously kidding dumbasses
nava1210 12
I want to slam your head on the oven for that one
enopola 5
Yeah that will fix that problem right up, a broken home, oh maybe a good domestic in the front yard of their trailer park. Then you and I can sit around and smoke crack coming up with more witty one liners.
friedchickenpie 14
Come back when you understand relationships. All the kids these days think that if somebody does "something bad" in a marriage, divorce is the answer. It isn't.
cheefer 0
If you thumb this down, you hate God, throw rocks at bald eagles, and shit on children.
Savra_fml 17
OPs Kid: "So, where do you come from Raul?" Raul: "From Madrid in Spain. How about you?" OPs Kid: "From my daddys penis"
zoeypony98 0
Raul- I have never heard of that country! OP's kid- It WAS in my mommy. But now it's in my dads pants.
silver848 6
Ahhhhhhhh gooood one :P. both of you
nava1210 12
Raul - =S
Kobberman 0
Lmfao I wish I could've heard that
KiddNYC1O 22
Eh, if you really want to listen to a smart mouth kid, Mackenzie from Toddlers and Tiaras is better minus the profanity.
KiddNYC1O 22
Your insinuation disgusts me.
jizzwold 21
Toddlers in tiaras: pedophiles' soft core
fml_addict13 3
MrRocket, don't you think it's time to shut the hell up? You've commented on this FML many times, and not one of them were funny.
slashcammas 3
That's what I would tell my kids.
PElexander 5
Same here only I didn't exactly tell him mommy and daddy ******. lmao But by no means did he just magically appear in my old lady's belly.
josejimenez 0
Don't lie you virgin
Torva_fml 16
Probably why you don't have kids.
FYLDeep 26
What kind of trap is that? Damn kid is asking questions he already knows the answer to.
slashcammas 3
I think he just wanted to say "*******"
RuCheezBurger 10
This is why kids are like this now...
andoprime 4
Well dad was correct was he not.
boopityboppity 11
, , ? You seem to have lost these, so I'll give you mine, seeing as you have a towel.
boopityboppity 11
No fans of "Hitchhiker's Guide" out there? Or just too obscure?
BrewCityMatt 5
Why would you lie to your son?? That's like saying babies come from Santa, the Easter Bunny, or any other fictional character. At least dad, although a little inappropriate, was right
trippyshitt 1
Mind your own beliefs, bub.
Bambi84_fml 1
I agree with 69.
hansbo 6
There's a difference between having a belief and indoctrinating a child with it. Saying "There is a god" to a child is not the same thing as saying "People believe different things. I believe that there is a god". Both are referring to your own beliefs, but only one thing is the right thing to say.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
99, I agree. We may all believe different things, but we must all be humble, as what authority do we have to ultimately say what's true about our universe and what isn't? There is so much we don't know, and so much we cannot possibly know at the moment. Not a single person on earth knows what's true 100%, so we have to remember that we are all merely guessing.
NeonBluee 8
Santa isn't real?! :o
drawmesunshine 17
No one knows 100%, but I have much more respect for the people that can admit that. "Why do you believe the Bible?" "Because it's God's word." "Ok, I think I'm losing you.. What makes you believe that the Bible is God's word?" "Because it says so." "-.-" Edit: It erased the other half of my comment, but I'm a lazy bastard, so I'm not going to fix it.
ilovebigtimerush 0
True, but it seems as if this kid was too young to know the real reasoning. I would rather lie to them now and tell them the truth when they can understand it.
WeAreScrewed 3
Good man, sounds like something I'd say if I had kids.