Today, my son and I were on an airplane playing "I Spy" to pass the time. The game went back and forth a few times when my son said, "I spy something yellow." After pointing out numerous yellow objects on the plane I gave up. He said, "Daddy! It's your teeth!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was taking a picture with my friend. Her camera can pick out a certain color and only have that color show up in the picture. She chose yellow because of the yellow on my dress. When she showed me the picture, the sash wasn't the only yellow thing; my teeth showed up, too. FML
Today, after reading a sign at the airport, my 6-year-old son thought it would be funny to yell, "Daddy's got a bomb!" Airport security then tackled me to the ground. Oh, and I missed my flight and my mother's birthday. FML
Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML
Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the grocery store. The bag boy seemed to be flirting with me and smiling. He had to be half my age. Once in the car I glimpsed myself in the rear view mirror. I had chocolate completely covering one of my front teeth. FML
Today, my 6-year-old son was so angry at me for not buying him overpriced candy at the airport that he told a security guard I had a machine gun in my suitcase. The interrogation was not pleasant. FML
Today, I was holding my son and smelled poop so I checked his diaper, but there was nothing there. Then I realized it was my breath. FML
Today, on the airplane, the kid behind me kicked my seat hundreds of times, while the big bald guy next to me farted deadly ones repeatedly. I was on a non-stop 14-hour flight. FML
Today, I saw my two-year-old son trying to floss his teeth. He was using an earthworm. FML
Today, there was a 4 year-old boy behind me on my flight. When I looked at him, he screamed playfully and hid. I decided to play tiger with him. While I was grinning like a tiger and trying to scratch him, he smashed a water bottle across my face. I now have a black eye. FML
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Top comments
weinerdog 2
I was afraid you were gonna say he was pointing at an Asian person.
KeithHarris 0
You might need a toothbrush
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Comments (106)
Tehalon 0
Stop smoking and drink less coffee and brush your teeth more often.
1Tsk 0
quit smoking
Malexhe 0
I actually did something like that when I was little.
Dhamy 0
Hah, little kids for ya.
JohnnyDeathNote 0
thats so hurtful.
ohhdamn 0
so brush you teeth. i say they did you a favor (:
Blanadestroyer 0
sounds like a "Colgate Extra 24/7 Super Whitening Toothpaste" commercial
jpl_fml 0
Cowinkydink! that's today's today's A.Word.A.Day with Anu Garg xanthodontous PRONUNCIATION: (zan-tho-DON-tuhs) MEANING: adjective: Having yellow teeth. ETYMOLOGY: From Greek xanthos (yellow) + -odon (toothed). USAGE: "That I am becoming, or have become, xanthodontous cannot be of interest to anybody." Reginald Moore, Edward Lane; The Windmill (London, UK); 1946. I'll bet your little crumbsnatcher didn't know that.
MnkySpz 0
Get some teeth whitener. At least it was your kid and not your boss or gf.
Sgt_Schadenfreud 0
Brush.