Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to babysit two kids. It all went well until one of them duct taped a knife to a toy machine gun, lit the barbecue on fire, and ran around like a wild banshee screaming obscenities. The other one got scared and climbed onto the roof of the house. FML
Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML
Today, I found myself arguing with a 6-year-old over a game of tag. FML
Today, I walked in on my teenage son passionately making out with one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML
Today, when I got home, I learned that my five year-old had tried to burn the house down when my wife told him that he needed to stop watching TV. Now we need a counselor and it's going to cost thousands. FML
Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML
Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML
Today, I finished off the last of the BBQ chips in the house. When my 6-year-old sister found out about it, she started screaming, then pulled down her pants and peed on the kitchen floor. My parents, after witnessing the whole thing, bitched me out for upsetting her. FML
Today, I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation, he kicked my shin and screamed, "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML
Today, my 16 year-old son had a tantrum over me asking him to clean up his room, and decided to tell my 6 year-old daughter that Santa isn't real, and that it was me who bought her presents. My daughter is inconsolable. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
MarvelFF1243 0
Should've sent them to their rooms.
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
Hi, I'm CanWeMicrowaveIt. And today, I'm here to talk about a epidemic sweeping the nation: Dream House fires. Did you know that a thousand Barbies a year get killed in house fires caused by their owners? That's almost twice as many that get thrown away, or run over by a car! So please, call this toll free number 1-800-BAR-BQUE, or 1800-117-1783, and donate anything, to help these Barbies, left in the ashes, with no Ken to call them, And we will send you a picture of the barbie you helped. Remember, call 1-800-BAR-BQUE and help save a barbies life. Thank you
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (287)
josephfranks1998 5
i want a thumbs up button for the FML
JumbledGirl 2
You should controll your kids
Gloritank 8
*Puts on sun glasses* I guess this barbies dreams *pause for effect* went up in smoke. YeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaH!
punkin_26 16
CSI Miami. Awesome.
ashleyylove3 22
Your Horatio reference is as awesome as this guys kid
jeni525 0
Why the f*ck does your son have access to fire let alone, know how to use it. If I new who you where, Child Services would be involved.
Gloritank 8
Eh **** you, you child services callin ****. It's because of people like you that parents are afraid to discipline their kids.
mwmartin2505 0
You aré rugby some people should not be parents, someone should be called to protect the kids.
tfair85 2
118: Disciplining a child would have prevented this whole ordeal. The above commenter would have called Child services because the kid had access to fire starting equipment, not because the parent disciplined the child. Learn to read.
dustbunny416 0
You should call them on your own parents for not making you go to school to learn the difference between "new" and "knew". Dumb-ass.
Gloritank 8
Not to mention "where" and "were".
punkin_26 16
I will admit that it was seriously bad parenting, but if the child is disturbed enough to start a fire, imagine how bad it would mess up both kids if they were taken from their parents. I agree that people like you, those who are quick to call child services, are the reason why parents are afraid to punish their kids. Thats how we end up with little firestarters.
punkin_26 16
Also, I'm not sure if many of you are aware of this but The department of Children and Families is one of the most screwed up government organizations. They place kids in foster care with a foster parent that just wants to collect a check for them and doesn't actually care about them. THEN, when they age out of the system they are given a hundred bucks and sent of to figure it out on their own. How is that situation any better?
havocmike 3
I know this is hard to hear and you probably won't accept it: but your kid is sick and needs to be segregated from decent children before someone gets hurt. Get him help, a 6 year old should not know how to start a fire. 100% serious. No troll.
aardvarkish 17
Sounds like one hot barbie!
CourtneyLA_fml 0
that just made me day. I think you might have to talk to you son though...hahaha
PsychoticAsylum 26
I like this kid, he has spunk.
DeadRob 13
i gpt the marshmellows xD
VannaBuqq 1
Dammnn o_o