Today, my roommate revealed that the reason he's so grumpy is because he hasn't gotten laid in a year. I'm his only female friend, and the entire time he talked to me, he stared at my chest. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I slept with a friend who always bitches about how he can't keep a girlfriend. When he finished within 3 minutes, I understood why. FML
Today, after watching my roommate and her boyfriend be all lovey dovey for months, I now have to watch two of our other friends flirting as well. I'm painfully single and have been struggling to change that for years. FML
Today, my best friend, who I've had serious feelings for for over a year, decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost two years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with, "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up six months ago. Three times. FML
Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML
Today, I'm crushing so hard on my male roommate that I've basically become a doormat for him. Meanwhile, he's on the phone for hours with the pretty girl he met over Tinder. I feel pathetic, stupid and jealous, which I have no right to be. Worst part, we're still quarantined together. FML
Today, I witnessed my roommate telling a girl that he has "really healthy shits". I wanted to make fun of him, but he got laid by said girl and I went home to jerk off. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked why I’ve been so grumpy lately. When I told him it’s because our relationship has been severely lacking in intimacy, he sighed heavily and said, “Ugh, fine, let’s just get it over with!” Gee, thanks babe. FML
Today, my roommate spends so much time in our dorm room that I got a boner when I heard him leaving for class, because it was my first chance in days to jack off in peace. FML
Today, the guy I thought I was exclusive with admitted that the only reason he comes over is because no one else will sleep with him. FML
Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML
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Top comments
benshady 0
he's got to get it from somewhere so grab a rubber and get hot and steamy with him
topramen 0
awesome... maybe you should have taken your top off?
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Comments (87)
mrzero 0
by the way how could you not get laid for that long????
LadenMichael 6
He obviously can't get any
playfuldesk 0
I looked at my best friend(who is a girl)'s chest all the time. She just stops talking u probably should have
saunder 0
girl get it on with him, friends are supposed to help one out ;)
99MDC 0
If you won't ****, give him a hand.
mekzikinz 0
how is this an fml?
elephantofdoom 0
exactly! who the **** cares?
GetPhysical 0
i rkn bruh.
Superawesomestev 0
your a dumb ass and fail. fail!
banananread112 5
How is OP a dumb ass?
JazzHandsFML 28
heil the dictionary! you're you incompetent bloke.
BlackBloodRose 0
gaydar totally going off
kukopia 0
AKKKKk We're in a wave of lame FMLs. The mods must be tokin. It's either that or they're douchin...
DynamicDave 11
YDI for having a chest
ThursdayA 3
You too.
SlenderMann 10
What the ****?
Igor_g5 0
So give him some.