Today, my paranoia got so bad that I had to physically restrain myself from aggressively confronting the kid walking behind me on the sidewalk. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML
Today, I realized I've been acting very paranoid lately. I was mugged a few weeks ago, so I've been nervous. I've been holding my hands in my pockets and looking around on my way outside from work. Apparently, that's grounds to arrest someone under suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon. FML
Today, I realized my paranoia is really bad when I saw my coworker holding a knife and immediately began thinking of ways to keep him from stabbing me. I work in a restaurant kitchen. FML
Today, I was walking to the optometrist when I saw my creepy stalker following me. The entire shopping centre then sounded the alarm, so the rail was half down. Desperate to get away from my stalker, I turned around and walked out the store and hit my head on the rail in front of the employee. FML
Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML
Today, I was teaching my 4 year-old daughter about "stranger danger" and how to deal with it. Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML
Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML
Today, I bullied a kid at school, just so someone would talk to me. FML
Today, I got pushed around by several suspicious mothers in a playground. I just wanted to sit down and rest my feet while I waited for my wife to finish her shopping across the street. FML
Today, I had to admit that I desperately need anti-anxiety medication. Apparently, when you walk around a grocery store avoiding eye contact and generally acting "sketchy", management will call the police on you, who will then pat you down to be sure you aren't shoplifting. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
I suggest therapy. You might do something you'll regret if you don't get help.
Weiss729 6
I don't say this to be mean but maybe you should get help? Life might turn around and be a whole lot better if you do
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Comments (91)
kungfujomaaan 3
I've been reading this website for a long time, but this is the first time actually commenting and having an account! There are the genuinely hilarious FMLs and then every once in a while there are FMLs which are actually quite sad to hear; this is one of the latter. If the OP is reading this, I would say that it is a very good start to be able to recognise that you have a problem. You may have a case of social anxiety or something similar to that, and if you do I know consulting anybody (much less a doctor) must be a scary prospect because I speak from experience. But trust me, you'll be surprised how far even a little bit of help goes and remember it's much better to just face the daunting 10 or so minutes with a doctor than to continue suffering indefinitely. I found even just telling somebody who understood was a huge relief and things can only go up once you seek the right help. Once you do you find that recovery actually becomes something tangible, doable and you start to feel good in yourself once again even if it's not always easy. Best of luck OP and I really hope none of this comes across as condenscending or anything like that, I merely hope to have helped you :).
giraffelovergirl 19
This is actually really sad for a FML. Please get help.
davincidasecond 24
A few years ago I had the same issues. Whatever you do, DON'T wait to get yourself the help you need. Personally getting a dog had made things a lot better. Maybe getting some kind of pet will make things better for you if you're not comfortable with therapy.
caitiebug1119 15
I feel your pain, but you couldn't have stepped aside to let him pass? I've gone down many random corners, across streets, and pretended my shoe was untied for the sake of someone not being behind me.
afm994 2
Well, how about you stop doing cocaine?
MixMastaKDizzle 12
Wow. That's a pretty bad form of paranoia. You should seek help.
bizarre_ftw 22
I did not thumb your comment up because it was above and beyond, but rather because the comment above it made not sucking thank-able
JRFaceless 8
This is the kind of brain problem that causes people to move out to the country, or even the middle of nowhere or the mountains. For example, I hate it when people make eye contact with me. Living the slow life away from civilization works wonders.
KingreX32 21
Murica
bizarre_ftw 22
Nowhere Near the right place for that, on any level
graceinsheepwear 34
I haven't seen a sing pole since the days of Gene Kelly.
datine22 7
Umm... Maybe you should talk to some one about that... Lol
graceinsheepwear 34
Why lol? Is typing that like a nervous tic or something?
bizarre_ftw 22
More like a preferred method of conveying one's thoughts through individualized representative grammar and diction.