Today, my paranoia got so bad that I had to physically restrain myself from aggressively confronting the kid walking behind me on the sidewalk. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML
Today, I realized I've been acting very paranoid lately. I was mugged a few weeks ago, so I've been nervous. I've been holding my hands in my pockets and looking around on my way outside from work. Apparently, that's grounds to arrest someone under suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon. FML
Today, I realized my paranoia is really bad when I saw my coworker holding a knife and immediately began thinking of ways to keep him from stabbing me. I work in a restaurant kitchen. FML
Today, I was walking to the optometrist when I saw my creepy stalker following me. The entire shopping centre then sounded the alarm, so the rail was half down. Desperate to get away from my stalker, I turned around and walked out the store and hit my head on the rail in front of the employee. FML
Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML
Today, I was teaching my 4 year-old daughter about "stranger danger" and how to deal with it. Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML
Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML
Today, I bullied a kid at school, just so someone would talk to me. FML
Today, I got pushed around by several suspicious mothers in a playground. I just wanted to sit down and rest my feet while I waited for my wife to finish her shopping across the street. FML
Today, I had to admit that I desperately need anti-anxiety medication. Apparently, when you walk around a grocery store avoiding eye contact and generally acting "sketchy", management will call the police on you, who will then pat you down to be sure you aren't shoplifting. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
I suggest therapy. You might do something you'll regret if you don't get help.
Weiss729 6
I don't say this to be mean but maybe you should get help? Life might turn around and be a whole lot better if you do
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Comments (91)
perdix 31
You should step aside and let the kid pass. You never know what young people are going to do under the influence of violent video games like GTA, CoD and Candy Crush.
magiczebra 9
"I'm gonna Sugar Crush that kid if he doesn't stop following me!"
junkman6 22
I feel really stupid after having to Google "candy crush."
vipirius 18
And most recently Minecraft too.
steffidallasbfl 16
You should maybe get help. I'm not trying to be mean but therapy would help you out a lot.
Enslaved 38
"Paranoia, the destroyer Paranoia, the destroyer"
perdix 31
#20, isn't it "paranoia will destroy ya," or is this another one I've been ******* up for 30 years?
Enslaved 38
Seems like-- Kinks not knowing that. Go ask the little yellow man in your head. :P
who10nanny 8
OP, don't feel bad. This happened to me at the grocery store yesterday. I felt like the guy behind me was right up on me. I almost had a panic attack. Also, **** the people talking about tin foil hats & such. The government doesn't listen to your thoughts, they just read your Facebook.
316browneyes 1
just calm down and be careful,quit thinking negative. and think positive stop letting your paranoia get to you.
blackonblight 33
"Just stop letting the cancer destroy your brain cells" "Just stop letting the pancreas fail to produce the proper amount of insulin." "Just stop letting the disease effect you" That's what you sound like. Mental illness isn't a choice, it isn't something you can just turn off.
hcharp1208 2
Schizophrenia much?
deadchicken 3
No no, pretty sure it's called paranoia.
katie_xoxo3 16
Aw that sucks I'm sorry :/
jannatanelle 5
not trying to be rude but all I can think of is the disabled kid on Malcolm in the middle.edit: fml wrong fml
JustASmallTownBo_fml 7
Today, my paranoia got so bad that I confronted the man walking behind me. I beat him up and smashed his head against the pavement. He "stood his ground" and killed me. FML
fay32 16
para .. para ... paranoia!