He's still got it

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

Mum

Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred, "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML

Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML

Today, I discovered my mother went into the local pub where I work part time, got very drunk, and flashed her boobs at everyone. I found out when a picture was posted on Facebook. FML

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Today, my mom came home, shitfaced drunk. She thought I was my dad and gave me a forceful kiss, with a lot of tongue. She then pulled away, stared at me, screamed in horror, and spewed all over me. I puked too. FML

Today, I got yelled at by my mom for not being surprised enough at my surprise birthday party. She'd told me about it while drunk the night before. FML

Glass houses and all that

Today, my mum got upset with me for having my first hangover ever after being of legal drinking age for over 6 years. She is a closet alcoholic in denial who hides red wine bottles around the house. FML

Today, my mom showed up completely hammered to a party I was throwing. The party was to celebrate the ten years that I've been sober. FML

Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML

Today, I’m on holiday with my mum. She got so pissed, she fell over on the dance floor at the children’s disco, then had to rely on a stranger to keep her upright so I could go get the car to take her home. FML