Today, my mother decided to tell me about how my twin brother almost killed me in the womb when his cord wrapped around my neck. When she left the room, he said, "You won't be so lucky next time." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML
Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML
Today, my mother told me that for a period when I was a baby, every night she stood over my crib with a bottle of bourbon and a gun, convincing herself not to shoot me for ruining her life by being born when she was only 18. I wish I could be more like my siblings, who don't visit her anymore. FML
Today, my brother-in-law's baby died due to SIDS. I called my mom, hoping to hear words of comfort for losing my nephew at such a young age, but instead she told me to not let something like this scare me into not having kids. FML
Today, my brain-dead brother-in-law decided to play five finger fillet while at my place. Predictably, he ended up slicing a finger wide open. My mother-in-law now wants my blood, because she thinks I dared him to do it, and that clearly her perfect little angel couldn't be such a moron. FML
Today, our mom hit my brother's head hard against the wall. He was taken to the hospital with a head wound. He came home in the evening, and said that his mom told him to say that it was his sister who'd hit him with a ball. My brother had told me the story and I'd recorded it on a tape recorder. FML
Today, my mother-in-law was so rabid to meet her first grandson, she didn’t just nudge me aside to get to the delivery room, she two-hand shoved me in the chest so I flew backwards and down a flight of stairs. I’m now in a neck brace for a hairline crack to my vertebrae and can’t pick up my own son. FML
Today, I sat my mom down to tell her I was pregnant, but before I could say anything, she started to lecture me on safe sex. I don't see this ending well. FML
Today, I was told I will be having twins; this came as a shock since there are no twins in my family. When I asked my mom about it, she said that she wasn't surprised and not to worry about it because she had "absorbed her twin" and that the problem would "take care of itself." FML
Today, my uncle got drunk and started ranting about how great I was and how amazing it is that I almost wasn’t born because somehow I managed to survive the failed abortion my mom really wanted. News to me. Mom never wanted me and tried to abort me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ironichalibut 24
I imagine your brother lost his umbilical cord by now, so maybe you're in the clear.. Maybe..
xTuttie 14
Ouch.. What an awful thing to say. Feeling sorry for you!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (107)
FML_Elle 17
I don't think that's fair of your mother to say your brother almost killed you. I'm a twin too, and I carried all this guilt around me for years since I was a little kid. I thought it was my fault that my brother was so emasculated and has autism (he was three pounds) because I thought I had ate all his food as a kid ( I was born totally okay.) Now I'm old enough to understand we have different umbilical cords and his didn't developed properly and it's not my fault. No one knows for sure the cause of autism too. Your post was very funny OP but I don't think that your mom should ever say that it was your brothers fault.
Mysterious_one 26
I believe he was joking.. or not
revelation11B 10
I now want to watch Highlander. Thanks a lot.
weveallbeenthere 30
that funny.
SnowFangedBeauty 19
Why is it such a terrible thing? His brother was joking its not like your going into her womb anytime soon....
xxrebelsxx 13
Same thing happened to my mom and her twin brother
GotItWow 13
Nothing like family love.
Michaelgf 13
Is it just me or was there a similar FML like this one?
vlalam 24
Sibling love :) what would I not do to have one..
jimmy_poison 19
Is this really an FML? I guess the FML could be the fact that OP has absolutely no sense of humour. You didn't honestly take your brother seriously, did you?
jimmy_poison 19
Not sure what I said to cause this to be moderated, but apologies if it was offensive in some way?!?!