Today, my mom went to grab my sheets off my bed. I said that I would do it, to which she responded, "Calm down, it's not like I've never seen 'spludge' before." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was taking some clothes downstairs to wash, when my mum stopped me. She accused me of sleeping around and trying to hide something, since she did the washing yesterday. She made me admit in front of the whole family that I'd been "surprised" by a case of diarrhea. FML
Today, I woke up and headed downstairs ready to do the dishes, when my mom hissed at me to, “go do the dishes!” As I was washing them, my mom stood over me the whole time. She eventually said, “You know, it’s pretty fucking sad that I still have to tell you to do these things.” FML
Today, my mom's obsession with cleanliness hit a new low when she bitched at me for having trash in my trash can. FML
Today, my mother was vacuuming my room and found a towel under my bed. She asked, "Why does it smell so bad?" I replied, "Sweat". FML
Today, my mom screeched at me about my pillowcase being dirty and finished off one long rant with an irate, "Who raised you to be such a pig?" Her anger multiplied by ten when I asked if it was a trick question. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML
Today, I went into my parents room to empty their wastebasket. Next to it and around their bed, I found tissues that were soaked in an unknown sticky substance. I had to pick them up. FML
Today, my mom came to my room to tell me that there were guests coming over. Five minutes later, she came to my room to scream at me for not doing the dishes, “like she just told me.” When? FML
Today, I thought my mother was coming into my room to give me lunch. She gave me cleaning supplies instead. FML
Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML
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Top comments
that1guyyy 12
is that the new name for penis juice now?
BoredUnicorn 6
Nasty
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Comments (191)
Iamnotmyself 17
Tissues are wonderful plops from heaven used to conceal your gross or kinky masturbation habits. If you're anything like me ( a *****, 2 stuffed animals, and a whip) you'll need about 3. Not that hard to reach over and get one.
androiddestroya 7
just gotta say, I love your profile pic xD.
Iamnotmyself 17
GTFO ANDRIODDESTROYA I'M DOING SCIENCE
androiddestroya 7
... you mad bro? trololololol :)) jk jk ily dude
Iamnotmyself 17
-33 Anal is $10.. In case you love me in that sorta way. If not I'm sorry I offended you, an your sexuality.
androiddestroya 7
I would TOTALLY go both ways for you! :D do you take singles? :O
Iamnotmyself 17
-43 only if they're heads in a jar!
androiddestroya 7
are the shrunken heads of past enemies acceptable? :O I got everyone from Justin beiber to the neighborhood chihuahua that I have staring contests with..... he's undefeated for the record....
Iamnotmyself 17
-42 Me being slow is slow. Singles Are All I Accept
Iamnotmyself 17
-53 Justin Bieber? Free ******** for life!
androiddestroya 7
I'm honored :D
jizzwold 21
…Gay?
mattc89 0
Lol :P how do you msg ? :S
androiddestroya 7
-92 if you're using an iPod I don't think you can :S
armorf0r 7
Say you just happen to eat mayo in bed.. often.
CherryBomb511 3
In various positions on your bed..
aligiorav 11
I have a feeling that admitting to eating "mayo" in bed isnt going to help things in this situation
sizzlincheese 0
What part of your body is showing?
Vballergrl 0
Wow your tattoos are so awesome!!! :)
niceNnerdy 5
Dam dude, next time aim for the toilet or the trashcan sheeesh. Or maybe even your brothers hairgel.
MrFraggle 14
I wonder if that's why my hair smells like....
maz255 10
...tarter sauce yes thats why..
cman7197 0
"Spludge"...sounds like a horrible slushy flavor...
BIEBERSLAYER 10
Women love it though.
mgsoloist 14
Like candy ;)
eminemchick 19
i agree. frickin yummy:D
milou_fml 6
does your mom kiss you with that mouth?
RedPillSucks 33
That's how she got the spludge on it.
RedPillSucks 33
That's how she got the spludge on it.
maddi79 0
Can I get an awkward?!
iAmScrubs 19
Depends on how much you pay me.
paradiselove_fml 0
No you may not ha
kings1fan 6
Very original
CryMoreFMLs 15
Originality?! On FML?! Never....
HannahPaloozah 0
Awkward !
Gnarlltrugg 0
^oi gtfo were doin science!
Ghostkiller12345 9
21:No but I can give you a shut up
Fail_05 0
Noo But I Gve You A Nice Glass Of Shut Up :D
RuCheezBurger 10
"Mom I was clearly eating and not doing stuff that I don't feel like talking about.""STFU LIAR"
xXSillyLoveXx 0
Is that what the kids are calling it these days?
thatnucca 36
Skeet skeet skeet!!!
indistructo 3
something similar happened to me today...