Today, my husband's recent obsession with The Sopranos since James Gandolfini died went a step further into the ridiculous, when he tried to encourage some ducks to land in our swimming pool by throwing loaves of bread into it, while bellowing at them with a 'Noo Joisey' Wise Guy accent. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was feeding some ducks. One of them choked to death on the old bread. FML
Today, after watching an episode of New Girl, my boyfriend became obsessed with the "Cotton-eyed Joe" song. He won't stop playing it. FML
Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML
Today, my husband was singing while doing the housework. I told him to sign up for The Voice. He took me seriously, and did. Too bad for him, because he sounds like a cat dying in a ditch. FML
Today, my wife got so upset I didn't hold her while Snooki from Jersey Shore was crying, that after the episode was done she locked herself in our room crying. Now I have to sleep on the floor of my living room. Thanks Snooki. FML
Today, as my new boyfriend was taking me home from our first date, a family of ducks walked across the road. I yelled at him to stop, but he ran over every single one of them. His logic? “They shouldn’t have been in the way,” and it was “natural selection anyway for them being so stupid.” FML
Today, to get revenge on our kids for constantly annoying her with that "6, 7" bullshit, my wife has decided to speak only in 90s slang and Pauly Shore quotes. I feel like I haven’t had a normal conversation in weeks! I’m losing my fucking mind! FML
Today, my boyfriend started watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. Now he won't stop saying "Bazinga" every time he says or hears something that sounds funny. It's so annoying I want to feed him to the neighbor's dog. FML
Today, I realised that when my husband is telling our boys off, he can’t think of what to say so he just steals lines from TV shows. This afternoon he told them, “Have you lost your minds? Because I’ll help you find them!” and, “I’ll be on your tails like a hot wind!” Both phrases are from The Office. FML
Today, I learned that I've married into a family that talks to movie characters as they’re doing stuff in the movie. Good luck hearing the dialogue now. FML
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Top comments
buckeyed 20
Aw that would just quack me up.
ManInTheMachine 20
I feel bad for the ducks. LOAVES of bread? They'll die of heart failure before they even get a chance to lay eggs! Think of the children!
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Comments (52)
thatnucca 36
I feel your pain OP, but that show was good though... May his soul rest in perfect peace...
buckeyed 20
This one sounds like foul play.
jrod9327 17
I can see how that would be annoying. In your best 300 accent, sparta kick him into said pool.
ILoveMyArm 15
Hopefully it is not an old piece of bread and one of the ducks choke on it.
anythingmustbe 18
New jersey ducks.
jrod9327 17
You sound like you are from philly/new york lol.
dmdifino001 3
eat a duck
gracehi 33
I feel like this is an incomplete thought. I mean, what about New Jersey ducks? They enjoy bread? They like to swim in pools? They migrate south for the winter? Come on, man. Don't leave us in suspense!
RedPillSucks 33
Maybe he was thinking of the Anaheim Ducks (hockey)??
graceinsheepwear 34
Yo 25, your comments are sounding like you're from Philly/Jersey but you don't fess up to it in your profile.
K410 18
Hope he doesn't start wacking people now.
Steve95401 49
Tell your husband to "fuhgeddaboutit".
ms_gemstone 5
hahaha.. I'm sorry for you but its too funny
ILoveMyArm 15
I bet you were thinking "Is everyone in my life ******* bananas?"
RedPillSucks 33
I tried that once, but it got kind of messy.
Sinistra_Blue 12
"Hey! Take the bread, little ducks, or you'll be sleepin with da fishies"