Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I attended my mother's funeral. My husband came too, and during the service, I kept hearing him giggling. I wrote it off as the usual awkward nerves, until he started snorting too, and I caught sight of the iPhone under his jacket. He was reading this very site. FML
Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML
Today, I checked my husband's phone, as mine was dead. When I opened it, I saw a text conversation with his friend. He recently said, "Man you just gotta ignore your wife more. I stopped paying so much attention to mine and next thing I knew she was all over me, it's awesome." FML
Today, after my husband's phone buzzed like crazy all morning, I decided to pick it up and see what all the fuss was about. He had three new picture messages from his "boss", naked and strapped to a chair with the caption, "Are you still coming over tonight?" We've been married for nine years and have two children. FML
Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML
Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML
Today, I was visiting my new in-laws for the first time. During an awkward silence, I took my phone and figured I'd send my friend a text jokingly saying "Mayday, mayday! Somebody save me!" My mood lightened up a little and I felt quite well until my mother-in-law's phone beeped. Yep. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I saw an employee showing off a picture on his phone. I couldn't quite see what it was and tried to inject myself in to the conversation. "Whatcha got there, a cow?" It wasn't. It was a photo of his wife, posing in her wedding dress for the first time since their wedding day several years and children ago. FML
Today, my husband sent me some flowers while he's away from town on a business trip. The flowers were beautiful enough that I almost forgot the screenshot his best friend had sent me, where my husband bragged that he'd "probably be drowning in dick when she gets the flowers." FML
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Top comments
Nymeria_fml 25
*cough*Insensitive*cough* Oh, excuse my coffin.
theasian007 11
I hope I'm not a bad person for thinking this would've been hilarious
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Comments (129)
weveallbeenthere 30
it is funny, wrong, but funny.
orphanclubber 8
smooth as ****
RusticChick 27
Just trying to lighten the mood, perhaps?
StzaCrack666 18
that guys an OG
howtobestupid 16
You decided your husbands embarrasing moment is good to share on social media i assume without his discretion nice. Yeah real transparent
Shrike 24
What the hell are you ranting about? Did you even read the FML, or are you just that dedicated to living up to your username?
Brandi_Faith 34
22, I don't think he actually even had a hard on, I think it was just a joke. He was just goofing off trying to lighten the mood.
raphanne_fml 33
#22 Right, because OP obviously gave us all the informations about her husband, including his full name, address and shoe size. It's not like FML is anonymous or anything.
SillyBeanie 8
Not the right joke for the time, but maybe he was trying to make heart of the situation, trying to cheer you up which isn't such a bad thing
ethan_unoxx 29
clearly its not the place for jokes
Enslaved 38
Sometimes-- "There's nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive" ~Life Is Beautiful
Dozer1988 14
Love that song! I wish more people got the reference.
False_Stupidity 42
Should kick him there and then he can be mourning his wood.
Zebediabolical 45
My best friend died on Tuesday, I spend 20 hours at the funeral home between then an Friday, then helped carry the box on Saturday AM. I flirted outrageously during the couple days of the wake with most of the women I knew and a couple that I didn't really. Why? Because I'd have flirted with them outrageously no matter where I was and my best friend wouldn't have expected me to change that for anything.In fact, the only time the flirting machine was turned off was the hour of the actual service. If I'd been serious enough to hook up, I think she'd have given me a high five from beyond the grave. Or a smirk and a Gibbs slap. Either way.
Onyxdragon 9
sorry to hear, my friends are that way as well