Today, my husband and I arrived in Barbados on vacation. We visited a club, and they had a selection of drinks with weird names. My husband ordered one called the Raging Bitch, flicked his finger towards me, and said to the barkeeper, "Might as well get something I'm used to." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was bartending. A guest was getting belligerent so I had to cut him off. He called me a bitch and threw the rest of his drink in my face before storming off. The belligerent asscandle was my boyfriend. FML
Today, the bartender pulled me aside and told me that she saw my date slip something into my drink. Who was my date? My husband of four years. FML
Today, my husband and I visited a new bar in our city. It turned out to be a swingers sex club. He asked if we could stay and try it out, even though we were easily the oldest people there by about 30 years. FML
Today, my husband and I were at a wedding. When the DJ announced that the bar was open, my hubby was the only one to RUN to the bar while the other husbands stayed behind to dance with their wives, eyeing us in a weird way. FML
Today, I went out for drinks for the first since I stopped breastfeeding. I underestimated how low my tolerance had become and how strong the drinks were. My husband was stopped by two bouncers while trying to carry me to the car. They thought he'd drugged me. FML
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Today, someone handed me a drink at a wedding, so I awkwardly took a sip and commented on the taste. It turns out they were just trying to “Cheers!” me. FML
Today, I finally turned 21, so my friends and I decided to go to a club. There, I met this hot waitress and we were really hitting it off. I ordered a drink. She replied, "No problem, kiddo." FML
Today, after I was surprised by my husband announcing he was coming off the drink and going to the gym to get in shape, I found out that I've been such a fool, as it turns out the pre-workout shakes he kept making contained about 5 shots of vodka, so he could drink at home without me moaning. FML
Today, I got back to work from a 3 week vacation. My boss had asked me to get him something so when I returned I presented him with a shotglass with the British flag on it. I later found out that he is a recovering alcoholic. FML
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Top comments
KeannaLove 32
Tell the bartender you'd like small dick because it reminds you of home. :)
Mat35 8
Tell your husband and bartender this : screw you guys I'm going home. ( just like Eric Cartman)
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Comments (93)
superman3212 8
why don't you calm down and order the "married a douche" beverage x]
itsmecutiepie 17
So I guess you gave him a raging bitch? He might as well get what he asks for.
BritLass 15
Stop bitching and counteract his comment! Ask the bartender of he has a cocktail called Small Dick because that's what you're used to.... You're on holiday, relax :)
anabanana8 1
I would've immediately said to the bartender, "in that case, I'll have a Small Penis," regardless if they sold it or not.
fadbad2 4
Haha, hilarious. I'm a bit of a raging bitch myself, like to insult random internet people to feel powerful, so yah
JennNoVa 8
You should have ordered a 'Screaming ******' from the bartender and said while pointing at your husband "Something he's never given me before"
TheModernPatriot 14
That's funny, I think he's got a sense of humor
entis_fml 9
Jesus, learn to take a joke
mollismallz 7
I personally find it hilarious, life's to serious you gotta laugh at the little things.
mr_jack_meoff 5
And FML was the only highlight of your vacation, I see sadness in your future.