Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read, "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

Today, my house was robbed while I was at work. The robber left a note telling me my stuff was crappy and that they found my safe under the bed. FML

Today, I left a note on the kitchen table saying to leave the door unlocked because I lost my key. I come home to find our house ransacked and robbed. Minutes later, I found my key. In my pocket. FML

Neighborhood watch

Today, I came back home to find that my house had been robbed, one week after my neighbors. I was walking around my neighborhood to see if anything was suspicious, and discovered that my neighbors had put up a sign, reading: "Rob the neighbors, THEY don't have a security system." FML

Today, I went out for New Year's. When I got back, I found my house had been broken into. I found a note saying, "Happy New Year, sucker." FML

Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. After assessing the loss, I saw a taunting note on the fridge saying, "Locks work best when the door's SHUT." My housekeeper had apparently left the door wide open. FML

Today, my house was broken into. How? My mom left a key under a flower pot on the porch. She also left a note on the door saying so. He stole all of my guitars. FML

Today, I've been robbed. I came home to find my oven door missing. FML

Today, my house was broken into. Apparently, I have nothing good enough in my house to steal, so they took my cake. FML

Today, I came home to find my home had been broken into. Nothing was taken, but all the drains were plugged and the water left blasting on high, with a note that said “enjoy the mess”. FML