Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend threw my X-box out the window, because I asked her how much she weighs. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML
Today, while lying in bed with my girlfriend, she was grabbing the fat on my stomach. I said to her, "Quit touching my fat!" She replied, "So… don't touch you at all?" FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was worried about being eaten by a whale while out kayaking on our holiday tour. I told her that she was way larger than whale food, and that it wouldn’t be interested in her. Now she is accusing me of trying to tell her "nicely" that she's fat. FML
Today, I yelled at my girlfriend for something trivial. Instead of yelling back, she was scarily calm and said, "Remember, I’ve got 50 lbs on you. Yell at me again and I’ll lay a pillow on your face and sit on it until you’re dead." I think she might mean it. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over at my parents' for dinner. When we were done, my dad went around to collect all the dirty plates and stacked them on his arm. When he got to my girlfriend, the weight became too much and he and the plates fell on top of her. FML
Today, my boyfriend grabbed my love handles. It tickled, so I giggled and squirmed out of his grip. He looked at me quizzically and said, "I'm surprised you still have feeling there with all that fat." FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me if she looked fat in her new pair of jeans. Knowing I was probably about two seconds away from all hell breaking loose, I instinctively tried to save my game, before remembering I wasn't playing a video game. I really need to get a life. FML
Today, my girlfriend had a huge fight with me because while I'm trying to gain weight and she’s trying to lose some, I’ve still lost more weight than her. Not my fault my body’s natural preference is to drop pounds like they’re hot. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend she was beautiful. She replied, "Lit." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
awesome_o 0
YDI for calling them dingleberries
Telionis 0
I thought dingleberries were the result of poor wiping post bowl movement?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (246)
Atomic_Tangerine 0
"Cushion for the pushin'?" Way to sound like a douche-bag. YDI
giosthename 0
does fml change the wording of things as they get submitted? It didn't say dingleberries at first, it said family jewels.
wordgirl 0
Why would you confess to having dingleberries? Those are NOT balls, man. :p (wipe your butt, dude) lol.
bored690 0
I think he meant DANGLEBERRIES.
Treehugger 0
YDI if my guy said that to me, i'd do the same thing as her ;) You're not supposed to agree with us....you're supposed to make us feel better...calling us a cushion makes us feel worse live an learn
ColdGold 6
Use some soap and water to get rid of the dingleberries. Don't fall for the is-my-ass-fat-routine. Start taking walks with fatty.
FruitSalad4225 0
YDI for saying "dingleberries."
bamalam 0
not the right thing to say man but LMAO
Leprecon 3
"Today my boyfriend said he didn't like the way his room looked. I told him not to worry since I don't mind a messy room. He threw a vase at me." Is the above story completely distasteful to you ? Remember kids, thats ok since violence against women is bad, but as long as it is against men it is funny.
sillyzombiekid 0
LMFAO, thats pretty funny actually. on the other hand~ she was self-concious enough without that comment