Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend threw my X-box out the window, because I asked her how much she weighs. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML
Today, while lying in bed with my girlfriend, she was grabbing the fat on my stomach. I said to her, "Quit touching my fat!" She replied, "So… don't touch you at all?" FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was worried about being eaten by a whale while out kayaking on our holiday tour. I told her that she was way larger than whale food, and that it wouldn’t be interested in her. Now she is accusing me of trying to tell her "nicely" that she's fat. FML
Today, I yelled at my girlfriend for something trivial. Instead of yelling back, she was scarily calm and said, "Remember, I’ve got 50 lbs on you. Yell at me again and I’ll lay a pillow on your face and sit on it until you’re dead." I think she might mean it. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over at my parents' for dinner. When we were done, my dad went around to collect all the dirty plates and stacked them on his arm. When he got to my girlfriend, the weight became too much and he and the plates fell on top of her. FML
Today, my boyfriend grabbed my love handles. It tickled, so I giggled and squirmed out of his grip. He looked at me quizzically and said, "I'm surprised you still have feeling there with all that fat." FML
Today, my girlfriend asked me if she looked fat in her new pair of jeans. Knowing I was probably about two seconds away from all hell breaking loose, I instinctively tried to save my game, before remembering I wasn't playing a video game. I really need to get a life. FML
Today, my girlfriend had a huge fight with me because while I'm trying to gain weight and she’s trying to lose some, I’ve still lost more weight than her. Not my fault my body’s natural preference is to drop pounds like they’re hot. FML
Today, I told my girlfriend she was beautiful. She replied, "Lit." FML
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Top comments
awesome_o 0
YDI for calling them dingleberries
Telionis 0
I thought dingleberries were the result of poor wiping post bowl movement?
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Comments (246)
Sparky09 0
I feel bad for you! My boyfriend told me the exact same thing when I told him I was concerned about my weight and it made me feel better because it shows that he still finds me attractive despite a few extra pounds. You maybe could've been a little more sensitive, but definitely FYL.
miss_jelly 0
I get what you were trying to do, and maybe she'll understand that, too, but in the moment, it's far from her mind that you were trying to make her feel better or lighten the mood. It's better to go with the mood of things and try to cheer her up by telling her what she wants to hear. It wasn't right of her to throw something at you, even if (I'm assuming) you were just trying to be funny, so I say it's an FML for you. Next time, try to be more sensitive to your girlfriend rather than try to lighten the mood immediately. Save that until you're on more stable ground in the conversation.
Creeper09 0
No more storage room for you. Dumbass.
jenkitty 0
You're an asshole and a pig for thinking that will mak her feel better
jenkitty 0
You're an asshole and a pig for thinking that will mak her feel better
DeathShad0 1
Now you must hit her with the lamp. It's paybacks.
Bibbz55 0
LOL.. dingleberries!!
daniel1_1 13
Really man? Dingle berries? REALLY?!?
lixuec 0
LOL slap her ass and ride the waves dood :D
Katiepie93 0
Maybe you should hav tried "I like you just the way you are" then maybe she would have done something else with ur 'dingleberries'