Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house. When things started heating up, I heard the front door open and my girlfriend said that it must be her Dad. She handed me my clothes, pushed me out the window, and told me to knock at the front door. Her Dad answered, holding my shoes. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over after my wife went to work. She looked so sexy in her outfit, I couldn’t resist. I ripped her clothes off and began to do her on my couch… until I heard my daughter’s voice asking, “Dad, who’s that?” Apparently, she was home sick from school. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it, I whispered in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I then heard behind me, "I am." FML
Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML
Today, I was taking my daughter to the hotel pool, and she was excited so she ran ahead to the door to the stairs, I heard her scream so I went running. When I opened the door, a man was getting a blowjob from another man, RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY DAUGHTER! FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home while my parents were at work, and things got a little heated. We lost track of time, because the next thing we knew, my dad burst into the living room. He doubled over laughing and asked how much I paid her. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I was on their bed having sex with their daughter. FML
Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML
Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower. Instead, I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML
Today, I was stretching on the balcony, when I heard my neighbor's daughter scream. She was playing in their kiddie pool and thought I was peeping on her. And now her parents think so too. FML
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Top comments
illmatic2 16
Obviously a MILF.
s0m3guy2010 21
I bet OP really wishes he had a moment with a Twix bar.
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Comments (189)
Ricky23J 0
Lol y'all comments make no sense. Dude never specifies if it was her mom she was kissing. It says he FOUND her sunbathing. Obviously mom or dad was just watching.
LilaBear 2
That was my initial impression too, but I read it a second time (because I was speed-reading first time) and my impression changed. OP should have phrased things better if he actually meant what you said.
bbiiaattcchh13 1
SMOOTH MOVE
justanotherhuman 21
Yeah minus the caps, Sade was definitely the soundtrack for this post. It reeeaaally was.
l0latyou 0
Butt isn't good anymore when it's saggy, it's all good when it's perky
gahballs3 6
You always make a joke out of it! EVEN WHEN EVERYONE KNOWS ITS NO JOKE.
asterik99 3
Should have let her ride the ol' baloney pony. Would have been solid for life with the family then.
IceCreamMage 17
Am I the only one reading it a different way? It sounds to me like he put his hand on his girlfriend's ass and either her mum OR dad caught him out and so shit will be awkward now whenever he goes over next.
Ashlyn_nicole11 6
Shiiiit
sparten28 6
AKWARD
laughinmyfaceoff 3
does this turn anyone else on here lol and why she didnt freak out when someone hand was on her ass? because shes a horny milf!!! yessssss!!!!!!
DreBeezy 9
Well, time for a family- threesome