Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
Today, on the advice of several friends, I tried to de-escalate a stupid argument with my fiancée by kissing her. She slapped me senseless and whooped my ass up and down the house until I escaped to the car. FML
Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML
Today, at a meeting, I had a heated argument with the only female employee at the office. A little later, I managed to hit her in the face with a door, giving her a bruise. Nobody believes it was an accident. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
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Top comments
every1luvsboners 11
That means now you can play the sympathy card to get a couple BJ's. Stretch that shit out for as long as you can.
Falassalond 16
Sounds like you guys need a vacation. Have a nice trip!
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Comments (150)
Sanch101 7
Isn't this more and FML for the girlfriend along the lines of "My boyfriend fell over at a party and people think I hit him and am a violent thug"?
Mister_Triangle 21
I say play along with it and threaten to press charges. Your girlfriend has already proven herself to be a POS if she's not correcting people. Domestic violence is domestic violence; she'll either fess up and look like a fool or deny it and get felony charges. The witnesses will testify in your favor if she originally played it up, and your bruises serve as good evidence; even if she tries to tell the truth last minute, there's no reason anyone would believe her. So I say go all the way and teach her a lesson
SamanthaThe1st 23
So you want her indicted for a crime she didn't commit? What if it were the other way around?
cumminside03 0
Give her what she deserves .... A. Nicely placed back hand
Giati_fml 3
id had told her to get ******
galacticstorm 6
Mister,you are a vengeful genius
KaskStunter 4
Nice try. Now go and tell the same lie to the people outside.
bizarre_ftw 22
F her life then, who wants to be seen as the abusive one?
spottyblanket 8
So you ruined someone elses house party but worry that you will look weak because a girl supposedly beat you...you two are both selfish. Don't go to house parties if you cannot control your temper. I bet you won't get invited next time--save it for at home!
Shade1982 21
I'm not sure where you see them ruining the house party. If anything, he went out of his way to AVOID ruining the party. Anyway, I'm really wondering why her abusing him (as far as they know anyway) seems suddenly okay to everyone.
xmaximusx 12
Awe high-school how i miss it sometimes
TrollPolice 0
It's funny how that works doesn't it? If a girl hits a guy it's considered funny, but if a guy hits a girl it's abuse. I know guys aren't supposed to hit girls, but what gives girls the right to hit guys?