Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave herself a black eye by running into a door. To avoid being teased about her clumsiness, she's telling everyone that I hit her. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML
Today, on the advice of several friends, I tried to de-escalate a stupid argument with my fiancée by kissing her. She slapped me senseless and whooped my ass up and down the house until I escaped to the car. FML
Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML
Today, at a meeting, I had a heated argument with the only female employee at the office. A little later, I managed to hit her in the face with a door, giving her a bruise. Nobody believes it was an accident. FML
Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML
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Top comments
every1luvsboners 11
That means now you can play the sympathy card to get a couple BJ's. Stretch that shit out for as long as you can.
Falassalond 16
Sounds like you guys need a vacation. Have a nice trip!
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Comments (150)
JordantJordan 7
What a bitch. Dump her sorry ass
Sinamoi 18
Don't tell me what to do.
flutter4 7
Why would he dump her over a silly comment she made during an argument? Things always get said that shouldn't have during a heated debate.
KiiwiiRox 6
It may seem bad at the moment but you'll laugh about it later. It'd be pretty sad if she actually did beat you up, but I'd be even worse if she face planted and looked like you beat her.
cartooncharacter 9
Read your about me...took me 10 seconds. Just saying.
whostolemylama 12
Double Standards are a killer don't "cha" think? If my girlfriend faceplanted the floor, I'd probably forget the whole fuss and see if she's okay. I think OP's girlfriend should have done the same instead of playing it off as karma.
DarkHelmet 10
It's better it happened that way, cuz if it was vice versa you'd be in jail
Popcornography 10
Hooray for double standards!
missyfiona89 28
Hah! That's what you'd get for being a klutz! Hahha.
Tylerdre 6
Could of easly said of course she did my mum always told me not to hit girls.
theannak 7
Well. Least it didn't look like you beat the shit out of her.
stormchaser24 24
You can't win a fight with a girl. Either you beat up a girl you are awful or you got beat up by a girl haha you are weak. FYL
gracehi 33
"Katie, get in here! Now listen, I've had just about en-" *Oof!*
cartooncharacter 9
So...your cat ***** lizards. My alien ***** gold and jewels
SamanthaThe1st 23
Ha, I dated a guy that was clumsy and would say "oof" whenever he fell on his face :P
raw_tigahh 2
Nice name op
TheyCallMeDamien 18
You're just trying to cover up the fact you got beat down.