Today, my friendly neighbor asked me to check in on his apartment every few days while he's gone on vacation. You can imagine my horror when I walked in for the first time and found out he's a snake breeder. Twelve more days to go. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to an angry snake trying to climb the leg of my bed. My bedroom was closed all day yesterday. It must have gotten in my room days ago. FML
Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML
Today, I went to the pet store to get mice for my mom's snakes. While checking out, the guy working behind the register asked what kind of snakes I had. I told him they were my mom's and he mentioned this crazy woman that talks to her snakes. That's my mom. FML
Today, when I warned my guests to check the toilet for snakes, I meant it. FML
Today, after having a 3-day vacation and feeling a bit bummed that it was over, I got home to find a black widow watching her babies hatch in my office window. FML
Today, I was in my room playing with my pet. I told my snake, "Who needs friends when I have you?" Through the wall I heard my neighbors say, "You do." I've never met my neighbors. FML
Today, my roomate informed me that her snake was missing in our apartment again. Apparently, I need to be careful because the snake's attracted to blood. I'm on my period. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to cure me of my snake phobia by buying one. When he took it out of the cage, it bit him. Now he's terrified of them too. Even worse, he dropped the snake, so it's now loose in our house. FML
Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML
Today, my son's glasses were missing. My bathroom is not well lit, but I noticed something sticking out from under the toilet seat. I excitedly grabbed it, thinking I saw the band of the glasses. Nope, it was a snake. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
amdraxx 1
Do a count each time you arrive and each time you leave. Nobody likes a loose snake
IvyOswin 17
Now's your chance to learn if you're an heir of Slytherin!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (73)
HarshD9619 34
Choo choo, comes the train to nopesville
Raxal 21
If you haven't been asked to care for the snakes, then you should be able to get in and out relatively quickly.
pdp_fml 21
And you have a deep phobia to snakes to boot!
albertozeta_fml 9
And mostly, don't bring your hamster with you when you go there!
chuka81 27
Snakes are not dangerous, when they are not trying to kill you. They are cute when they are not completely scary.
slyde32 12
especially pythons, with their little puppy dog faces
Kirtres 4
I sure hope he arranged for someone else to look after the critters. There's no way I would leave my snakes without any check-ups for two weeks. Even though they can go without eating for that long, they still need water, and what if the heating goes wonky?
Garnetshaddow 30
Exactly. When I do house sitting work, I always go before so I know where everything is and who everybody is. Even if some of the animals are largely self sufficient (cats) or don't need a lot of interaction (goats) I still need to know the set up first. I know very little about reptile care, but if I'm ever put in charge of one, I'll find out first.
slyde32 12
better than walking in to find he breeds spiders
bombielol 20
why is everyone so terrified of snakes
Garnetshaddow 30
I'd assume it's like every other irrational phobia. Some part of me knows that spiders aren't particularly dangerous, but I don't like them. Same with cats. They aren't as predictably dangerous, but the savagery of surprise cat attacks are scary. They also move like they don't have bones.... With the cats, I'm an unapologetic dog person. I think they smell enemy on me a mile away. They don't like me either...
keiNan_fml 35
snakes don't sound much friendly.....good luck OP
vikky538 29
sounds like a hissy neighbor