Status unclear

Today, the guy I've been seeing asked me to have a threesome. With his girlfriend. FML

Spare wheel

Today, an ex of mine told me she wanted a threesome. This was great until I realised I wasn't included. FML

Today, my wife wanted to have a threesome. During our honeymoon. With the maid of honor. I didn't sign up for this. FML

Threesome

Today, my girlfriend asked me what I wanted for my birthday. Apparently “A threesome” is not the appropriate answer. FML

Today, my girlfriend started a conversation with "I don't want to break up" and ended the conversation with "I think I'd be better off alone." So I guess I'm now single. I think. FML

Today, my ex texted me after more than a year of no communication. He wanted to know if I was interested in having a threesome with him and his current fiancée. FML

Humblebrag or what?

Today, I had my third threesome with my fiancée and our friend. We are moving in together and I don't know what to do anymore. I can't stop thinking about her lips against mine, or how she feels when we fuck. I wish I had met her first. FML

Today, after much thought and serious consideration, I nervously admitted to my boyfriend that I'm bisexual. The first thing that he said in response was: "Want a threesome?" FML

Three's the magic number

Today, I asked my wife for a threesome to spice up our sex life. Her exact response to me was, “The only threesome we should be having is between the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.” I'll take that as a “No.” FML

Fragile

Today, my wife asked if I wanted a threesome with her friend for my birthday. I couldn't tell if she was being sincere, or secretly testing me. I had such a bad panic attack that I passed out and went to the hospital. Oh, and she's mad at me now for "getting excited at the prospect of cheating." FML