Today, my friend got drunk. He always pukes when he gets drunk, but I decided to drive him home anyway. He didn't puke the whole ride. We arrived at his house and he got out. Right as I was about to drive away he stumbled back to my car because he forgot his wallet. He grabbed it and puked on me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I picked up my 3 friends from a party. One of them drank too much and claimed she needed to throw up. I pulled over multiple times so she could. It didn't happen until we were right in front of her house and still inside my car. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML
Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML
Today, I was taking a taxi home after drinking too much. I started to feel sick and, not wanting to be charged the cab cleaning fee, threw up into my handbag instead. When we got to my place I then had to fish through my bag for my wallet to pay the driver. FML
Today, I was the designated driver for my friend's 21st birthday. On the way home from the bar, he threw up all the pasta and tequila he'd had onto the back seat of my car, and told me it was part of his whole party plan. FML
Today, I attempted to make a good impression amongst new coworkers by volunteering to be the designated driver at my work party. What did that get me? A backseat full of puke and some idiot too drunk to remember where he lived. FML
Today, I took my best friend to an '80s party. She drank too much and ended up puking all over the interior and exterior of my car, as well as inside my right legwarmer on the 30 mile trip back home. FML
Today, my husband's old fraternity brother came to visit. He fell out of his car, puked, then passed out drunk in our driveway. We got him to the bathroom, where he fell asleep. He woke up at 4am, wandered around the house naked, pooped in my trash can, then passed out again. FML
Today, I got a little too drunk at my best friend's birthday party and threw up in the pub bathroom. I wiped everything up, composed myself, and went back to the party table before promptly throwing up on myself in front of the whole pub. FML
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Top comments
Narzhul 0
Contrary to popular FML belief, being at fault does not necessarily equal deserving it. Was he at fault for making the mistake of taking such a risk? Yes. Did he deserve being puked on for helping a friend? No.
GetTheFuckOut 7
#40: Lmao. You're a dumbass. She drove the drunk friend home. He didn't drive himself. Read it more thoroughly next time.
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Comments (42)
the_mailman 0
i hope you stole all the money out of his wallet and threw him in a bush, because you're probably the kind of person who would do that to someone for something like this.
nodbor 11
let me see..... he always pukes when he's drunk...... he wants a ride...........ok, get in. so how many times till you get it right? no more rides for Mr. Puke Face.
ZuRG_fml 7
There's an established pattern here. I don't understand what the OP thought was gonna happen.
rabbit_fml 0
Tell your friend to stop being a piece of ******* shit
cactus_fml 0
No good deed goes unpunished.
christopherlove 0
I like the part where your drunk friend vomited on you.
nickerbockers3 0
Haha OH SNAP
24788 7
Everyone always says that before they drink.
Pastor_Rich 0
liquor is the devils spit
mikakarie 0
Almost made it.
aback 5
"Ah-! I knew I'd forgotten something! Here it is--*blargh*" ::stumbles off happily:: You're going to have to set up something like a feed bag for horses, except it will be a puke bag for your drunken friend.