Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a day after after I took a diet pill, I participated in a sprint test. I shat in my pants. I finished the test but got a bad grade. FML
Today, I was disciplined by my boss for "not smiling enough." I'm a dishwasher. FML
Today, I went to a veterans' reunion party with my grandpa. While there, a guy started yelling at me for having an unapproved haircut. It was my grandpa's old drill sergeant, and he thought I was in the army too. Everyone just smirked as he forced me to drop and do push-ups. FML
Today, I had to run a timed mile. I'm terrible at running. During the run, I thought I was doing a good job. That is, until the teacher told me to stop because I was three laps behind everyone else. FML
Today, my father picked me up from the police academy I'm attending, and got caught speeding. The officer was my drill instructor, and I had to do push-ups on the side of the highway. FML
Today, I shat myself during a job interview. FML
Today, my entire gym class had to run the 1600 with our coach calling out finishing times. My finishing time was reported as "3 days short of a year." FML
Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML
Today, I was given my marching orders because I corrected my supervisor on something he was actually doing wrong. It seems I deserve this for "not learning to obey my immediate superiors." FML
Today, my drill sergeant found out it's my birthday. I spent the rest of the day scrubbing large, filthy pots for the entire base of 2000+ and scrubbing grime off of bathroom walls. Happy birthday to me! FML
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Top comments
stieglar 17
Rule #1 of military training, don't talk back man. Have you not seen full metal jacket?
cat4651 15
You had to have known that talking back would probably end badly.
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Comments (54)
grogers311 20
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Some blonde you just can't dye out...
OopsyDoodle 6
wrong fml! xD
grogers311 20
Wow wrong fml - lol fail, sorry all
lulinator 40
Don't worry. Everyone will bury the bejeezuz out of this comment.
DaRito 25
#2, no one should ever use "xD".
OopsyDoodle 6
....who cares though.
mynameischarles 13
I totally agree, it's so stupid xD
stieglar 17
Rule #1 of military training, don't talk back man. Have you not seen full metal jacket?
ohSNAPyall 27
But OP agreed with the drill sergeant!
JMichael 26
I didn't know they stacked shit that high!
kaylae22 13
That's bull shit! U now have insulted so many people! My bc is in the military and he would beat you for that comment
hobbs96 26
As far as rules go, I'm pretty sure they don't get phones at basic. I know my husband had zero contact besides writing letters at boot camp. So I'm wondering how he wrote this.
IHaveThePower 18
I think Rule #14 is: You are not as funny as you think you are. (Unless you're named Skippy, anyway.)
cat4651 15
You had to have known that talking back would probably end badly.
random2212 16
Well, you deserved it for talking back
mariathehoe 15
Is he Gordon Ramsay?
TDKopecki 16
Only response should be "Yes sir"
CanadiAnM8 24
Jesus Christ man, have you not seen all those military movies?
mattiscg 22
totally agree with # 3 why would u do that? what exactly were u expecting?
extrasnipes 22
And did you proceed to cut the cheese after saying "Yes sir, with extra cheese."?
JMichael 26
Holy shit I'm dying! :'D
JKPwnage 27
Tumblr? Is that you? What are you doing here?
JMichael 26
No..this is Patrick.
jenjen2633 17
No it's Becky