Today, my doctor called with my test results, which seem to tell him that there's absolutely nothing wrong with me. I'm still sitting here with an appendage that I'd swear was dispensing napalm, but now I have a $500 bill to go with it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after months of random vomiting with no apparent cause, I finally got some tests done. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with me and that it's all just in my head. Great. FML
Today, I went to a doctor's appointment, being concerned about some abnormal swelling and soreness in one of my testicles. They fondled my balls for 20 seconds before saying, "Yeah, that's abnormal. You should probably go get an ultrasound somewhere and maybe take some ibuprofen for the pain. That'll be $265." FML
Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML
Today, I went to a pain specialist to get help with my chronic pain. He did not diagnose anything or discuss causes. He then said, "Good luck with that" as I left. Of course, I still got billed. FML
Today, I saw my doc about the painful swelling I've had in my arm all week. He seemed totally out of it, and ended up telling me it's all in my head, despite the swelling. When I respectfully suggested it might be a blood issue, he just said, "Nah". FML
Today, I received the good news that my spine looks normal. Either the degenerative disc that was diagnosed 5 years prior magically healed, or my current doctor is an idiot. Considering that it's felt like someone is chiseling into my spine for some days, I'm leaning toward the latter. FML
Today, I went to the doctor with some serious physical symptoms that amount to being effectively disabled. She didn’t even ask any questions or examine me before telling me it was all purely psychological. I barely managed to convince her to at least order some blood tests, as a formality. FML
Today, after 8 years of being guinea-pigged for medical testing that "might work" on my ribcage for chronic pain, I finally caved and tried going to a pain clinic. The doctors' responses mostly consisted of, "That's weird" and, "That doesn't make any sense." FML
Today, I finally got insurance after months of paperwork, and so I went to the doctor. I was billed $873 for a "consultation" that pretty much consisted of being weighed and told to "Google it." FML
Today, my doctor informed me that the tests we've been doing the previous months show no sign of leukemia. I was just about to express my relief when he casually followed up with, "Never mind, there's still a lot of other blood-related diseases we need to look out for." FML
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Top comments
TheHub 0
Aren't you glad you don't live in an evil European socialist pinko terrorist lover country?
17Master 0
lol napalm. Get a second doc to check that out.
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Comments (34)
theblackopsandha 0
yes it would
chaos753159 4
I'll give you a hint... the Latin root "cide" means to cut; to kill.
cherryblossomchi 4
4. American healthcare is fine. insurance companies suck
crownlogic 25
There are a lot of doctors in America that don't want to take the time to properly diagnose patients, and even if they do take the time they only know the details about the major diseases and misdiagnose a lot of lesser known ones.
rudegirlmania 10
So you've figured out that some humans are lazy and self-centered. Gj!! If you do your homework, ask your neighbors, blah blah, a lazy doctor is 95% avoidable And you'll notice that those doctors you're talking about are GPs...they aren't paid as much as a "specialist" (you know, the ones that specialize in a certain part of the body so that they can find what a GP misses) for a reason
crownlogic 25
So because someone else is lazy and doesn't know how to do their job as well as they should, that's acceptable to you? Really, a GP isn't as good as a specialist? I never would have guessed by the names. If you only know your symptoms though, you're supposed to go to a GP who can refer you to a specialist. American healthcare falls short here in referrals to the wrong doctors or no referrals at all because they find insufficient evidence that anything is wrong.
namehere401 0
im pretty sure it means to ejaculate
bombermanpyr 0
you may have kidney stones ask for a X-ray of your...scrotus region
HailsMM 0
story of my life. I've been sick for three years and no one knows what it is. my family has literally spent thousands. it sux
Orchard 33
Could be lupus, that was what I was sick with for years. It never gets better, just got back from the ER with no help because they too said nothing was wrong while it felt like my head might explode any second. Thankfully it didn't but now I have no idea what was wrong or what to do for it, should it ever happen again. God willing it won't.
christyxbee 15
Sorry, what is napalm?
whosurdaddy123 0
U should sell ur appendix on the black market to get ur money back lol
whosurdaddy123 0
U should sell ur appendix on the black market to get ur money back lol!
mccool37 1
A substance used in the Vietnam war to burn dosn all of the trees in the forests of Vietnam.