Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, the 4 year-old I was babysitting came up to me all happy, saying she went to the bathroom like a "big girl." Knowing she was just potty trained, I asked if she'd remembered to flush. Looking at me confused, she said, "But it's in my room." FML
Today, my daughter watched a potty training video on Sesame Street. In the middle of the video, she got up and ran to her potty to practice. She then announced, "All done!", and proudly closed the lid to her potty. She then immediately stood on top of it and peed. FML
Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML
Today, I finally confronted my daughter about never using air freshener after she poops. She said, "But I thought flushing made the smell go away!" She's 15 and she actually believed this. FML
Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML
Today, at work, some little girl went in the bathroom for quite a while. Came out for two minutes and went back in. She then came out with her finger clutched in a paper towel. One of the other coworkers went in to check the bathroom. The little girl wrote "Hi!" with her own poop. FML
Today, a little girl at my work had an accident. She asked me to help her change, and as she was changing she stuck her hand in her vagina to make sure all the "peepee was gone". She then put that same hand on my face to balance herself as she finished changing. FML
Today, I kept getting out of bed because I was sure my daughter had pooped in her diaper. Every time, I found nothing. I finally figured out the foul smell was my husband's breath, when he leaned into kiss me goodnight. FML
Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML
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Top comments
ImaginaryFoe 1
Did you teach her to wash her hands? If not, well, you know where I'm going with this.
LittleMonsterSam 5
well ain't that some shit
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Comments (109)
Iknoweverything 29
I'm guessing OP doesn't wash her hands regularly. Those of us who are germaphobes usually try to insist our kids be the same. Hope OP doesn't get cryptosporidiosis, because people who don't wash their hands are the biggest spreaders of it!
sweetiffany 0
Flushed, wiped, shut the light off... Think she missed one of the steps! Hope she does better next time!
portablecupid 3
....You didn't teach her how to wash her hands? YDI.
a7x_RoCk3r 12
I laughed so hard my lip that got stitches 2 days ago started bleeding. -____-
underpaid011 0
today, I used a condom. MLIA
yaya0330 0
lol
heatlove5stars 0
dang girl that is some mother f*ckin shit teach her to wash her hands
amh721 0
Kids are effing disgusting, that's why I don't let them near me. Just teach the kid that it's rude to invade someone's personal space by putting their hands in your face. And tell her she smells like shit.
Aoifexzx 3
you taught her it's more important to turn the light off than wash? I'm all for being Eco friendly but that's just nasty..
Rainbow35 6
Maybe OP did tell the kid before that she was supposed to wash her hands too, but the kid, being like 3 or 4 I guess, forgot? Maybe 4 things is a lot for the kid to remember? I dunno.