Today, my daughter discovered that her Venus Fly Trap will not eat pieces of ripped-up scrap paper. Also today, I discovered that my daughter can't tell the difference between scrap paper and my monthly paycheck. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I learned that my daughter pocketed the money I'd paid so she could go to college. FML
Today, my daughter couldn't find a hair tie and thought a piece of duct tape would be a perfectly fine substitute. FML
Today, my mom found out that paper is made from trees. She read it on a garbage truck. I then had to explain to her how it's made. FML
Today, I have to admit I sometimes snoop in my daughter's room, but she must have realised this because she has started laying booby traps for me. I'm currently in the ER getting fishing hooks removed from my hand after she taped them to a mousetrap and left the mousetrap inside her desk drawer. I deserve it but, FML
Today, I have been teaching my 5 year-old step-daughter how to read and write. She came bounding up to me with a piece of paper and said, "look what I did". It was a letter that said "My dad misses my real mommy, not you". FML
Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML
Today, my daughter, whom I consigned a credit card for, told me she was in a bit of financial trouble. It turns out that she was trying to pay off her credit card with the same credit card her bill was for, and couldn't figure out why it wasn't working. FML
Today, I had to dig through my dog's poop again because I thought I saw a worm, but it was just the remains of the paper towels my husband leaves all over the house. My efforts to make them both stop have obviously fallen on deaf ears. FML
Today, my daughter found a hair baked into the crust of her pizza. Grossed out, she put it down the garbage disposal, but I told her to dig it out so we could get a refund. After dinner, she came looking for the saved pizza crust. I was baffled about where it was until I realized I'd eaten it. FML
Today, after it appeared my daughter was throwing away any vegetables in her school lunch, I packed her all vegetables so she would have to eat at least one. Nope! She threw them out and complained to school that "mommy doesn't feed" her. I got a call from the school. FML
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Top comments
JustKittyKat 24
I wonder if Venus fly traps eat children? Who knows? It may make you feel better!
beef25967 2
Discipline her. Give her a good spanking.
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Comments (61)
xxxSANAxxx 0
OUCH THAT SUCKS!
trucker67 10
She sounds totally intelligent - Americas next President !!
babalooisbabaloo 5
U sure seemed to learn a lot today
FuzzyJack 15
Today, my owners gave me something to eat. I wish it wasn't a paycheck. FML Anyway, that really sucks, OP. Next time make sure your daughter can't go near important stuff like your paychecks.
olpally 33
Stewie's girlfriend strikes again, she's evil!!! lol Episode-mr. and mrs. Stewie
Skinwalker131 5
How old is your daughter? I'm a baby-sitter so I could see a young kid doing this. Unfortunately I can also see half my high school class doing this.
animalsalways 6
I completely agree
neuroticallyyour_fml 17
It sucks your paycheck got (not) eaten but my real question is where did your daughter get a Venus fly trap? Because I want one.
anm5053 1
You can get them at Walmart
calypso1212 14
I think the real question is who on earth doesn't have direct deposit these days.
mattorama 15
A lot of smaller businesses simply don't offer it.
mrnuleef 7
Go to a walmart money center and that'll answer your question
NightlyChecker 6
Oh, I'm sorry OP. That 'bites'.
loserman67 36
Maybe it's time you teach your daughter a few things. Like the difference between the end of your foot and the back of your hand.