Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML
Today, my one-night stand decided he wanted to meet my parents. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
Today, I had to have an awkward conversation with my parents when they told me they were able to hear me and my boyfriend having sex at night. FML
Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML
Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML
Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML
Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML
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Top comments
JMichael 26
And that's when your dad when into serial killer mode.
salamancer 11
As opposed to the inside of his penis???
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Comments (126)
WitEluded 13
Then dad said, "The outside of my boot is about to feel the inside of your ass"
kurodansei 16
Sorry, neuralizers are for field agents only. It's not a toy -K
AirBusDriver 23
Ha! WIN
AirBusDriver 23
My comment was directed towards #22 :)
KhaleesiDannie 26
He's lucky to be alive
AutisticAbyss 10
And this is why parents say to keep the door open when a boy is over.
jordanashley211 20
What an eloquent way to say you want to sleep with someone.
doctorhook86 25
#29: Ehh, I think the guy could've been a lot more eloquent.
wvcheesehead 13
I think you spelled ignorant wrong.
LaurenRoxsU 9
@64 This made me laugh out loud. Nothing eloquent about this kid. Sounds like he read one too many books on how not to sound sexy.
DestinysChampion 17
I mean, at least he's honest with you.
ajs1987 15
Your Dad's response should've been to go whisper in his ear, "I want to feel the inside of your ass with the outside of my foot."
fullerkate3 17
Maybe he shouldn't have said that in front of her parents though.
Chaith 16
Nobody's noticed the original poster's name. Everyone could use that Men In Black' trademarked memory eraser, every now and then.
SoNotReal 2
Ha ha! ...someone else did see the user name!