Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML
Today, my one-night stand decided he wanted to meet my parents. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
Today, I had to have an awkward conversation with my parents when they told me they were able to hear me and my boyfriend having sex at night. FML
Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML
Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML
Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML
Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML
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Top comments
JMichael 26
And that's when your dad when into serial killer mode.
salamancer 11
As opposed to the inside of his penis???
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Comments (126)
JMichael 26
And that's when your dad when into serial killer mode.
bingo__O 15
He's got a very particular set of skills...
incoherentrmblr 22
And when he find you, he will kill you...
JesusFreak227 15
Good luck
salamancer 11
As opposed to the inside of his penis???
MilitaryPegasus 18
I mean, I've heard the outside the ****** feels pretty good on the inside of the penis.
p36288 17
How is that possible?
JayDay_123 18
You don't wanna know.
brendejafulable 41
Such a romantic.
mightycocoman 12
A romantic what? (don't downvote me)
JohnSapp 17
49, You were down voted for telling me not to. Don't tell me how to run my life.
Googolman 29
"Don't downvote me." As if that would actually work.
LaurenRoxsU 9
@62, Damn straight. Fight the power!! (And downvotewhentoldnottowith6.99$processing&handling)
SadisticStephyy 21
That's disturbing ._.
sweettart83 27
And telling me this would be the last way to get into my ******.
codalicious 16
It's the last way? Implying that it could still work?
jake_braves 25
41, I was thinking the same thing.? If that were true I'd use that line as my last resort...not. What an idiot.
BlindlyWandering 17
Technically, what ever way works is the last way. Why would you try other ways after you have succeeded. Its like saying you found something in the last place you looked.
AGB10 19
Classy.
Welshite 40
That boy needs a lesson in how to talk dirty.
Priyaroshni 40
And safe sex.
photographer49 22
#8 and a lesson WHEN to talk dirty.
Dumb_dude 35
#23 I guess it was too hard for him to say in a romantic manner 'I want to feel the of the outside of my penis touch a condom as it touches the inside of your ******'.
tbro47 23
There's a time and place for everything. The real question here is are you actually dating because if he's not your boyfriend and this was just a date then that's much too soon to start creepily whispering sexual comments within earshot of the parents.
photographer49 22
#9 I think any time is too soon to start making sexual comments within ear shot of parents
tbro47 23
It can be exciting under the right circumstances such as if they're nearby but if you whisper low enough they won't hear it adds that thrill of possibly getting caught. Not everyone enjoys that little spike of fear though so you really have to know the other person well. What he said though would never be considered "sexy" under any circumstance
thisguy22 33
I can understand the thrill of getting caught being arousing with some situations, such as playing in public, etc. But involving your parents in your sex life is pretty ****** up.
tbro47 23
Who said anything about "involving"them in their sex life. I just mentioned that they might be in the same room while sexual comments were whispered not that they'd hear and be a part of the conversation
thisguy22 33
You're involving them by getting aroused by their presence. They do not actually have to be physically involved and yet they are still part of your foreplay.
Jasim 17
Very smooth.
cappellaaa 23
hahaha sounds like you got a real winner there